FIRELIGHT DANCES around Mr Udnam’s library. A ragtime ’78 spins on the gramophone. I am focused on both of them. Her eyelashes are tinted. He has freckles on his arms. His thing is huge. I don’t want to stare at it but it is hard to ignore. Shadows chase each other around the room like an audience surrounding a deadly play. They lunge – then pull back. The fiancée’s tongue flicks. He moves toward me as she holds me by the arms. Somehow it feels like the most natural thing.

– I think you might be happier living somewhere else in town, Jessie.

– When?

– After. You could visit the child a few times each year.

There is no word fir yes, or no, in my mother’s tongue. I have nothing and no one. She slips her dress off. Her waist has two small indents above her arse. He touches himself. She moves his hand away to do it for him. He wants me to watch. It does something for him.

– You like to read, Jessie?

– Aye.

– We should give you books when you’re in containment.

She pulls down my dress until I step out of it – my skin bathed in the glow of firelight. My nipples are erect and a darker brown colour and I can see blue streaks of veins on my arms.

– Touch her there, he instructs.

– Like that?

There is only this minute. It is all there is. Yesterday won’t bother me here. He is inside me quickly, and she turns to kiss him, then me. His eyes have been taken out and replaced with hard gold coins. There is a perversity to the fiancée’s smile. It makes me want to please her. I close my eyes, see a stile, tree, fence. Startling flowers. Tiny and yellow. Hard little breaths – through my mouth. We are so far out – in this warm glow. I could smoke that pipe forever! He arches up. Looks like he is dying. The nubs on my temple burn so hot – I want to take my hair down and trace my horns with her fingertips, I am losing time – all regret is gone.

What feeling is this!

Falling.

Chattering elves.

Shapes.

Bright squares, coloured light – the room re-solidifies around me.

There are only embers in the fireplace.

– Are you awake, Jessie?

She is whispering to me. I don’t know when I passed out. Elise looks tired and wanton. They are either side of me. He snores like a rhino. I have the blanket up around my shoulders. I place my hand on my stomach.

It has grown hard already whilst I slept.

– It worked!

– Let’s hope so, she says.

– Look!

Elise stares at my stomach.

– Is your kind touched, Jessie?

Worse than that.