‘No, Madhav. This is not love. You have no idea how often this happens. People think they’re in love with their therapists all the time because they feel grateful to them, so don’t mistake it for love.’

‘But I genuinely love you, Radhika. Why won’t you just believe me?’ he beseeched.

She finally looked at him and said, ‘I can’t and won’t believe you. I am not made for love. I am older than you, Madhav, and I have experienced things in life that you are still exploring.’

‘How does that matter?’ he asked.

‘Everything matters.’

Madhav groaned and looked up at the moonlit sky. Radhika wrapped her hands around herself, her breath condensing in the increasingly cold night. He wanted to hold her and share the warmth.

‘Please drop me back home,’ she said finally. ‘And please find a new therapist for yourself.’

Madhav didn’t say a word. Radhika wanted to cry, but controlled her tears. They reached her home in silence and, as she got out of the car, he rolled down his window and said, ‘Happy New Year, Radhika!’

She stopped and turned back. Their eyes met, expressing the love they unequivocally shared, asking a million questions but answering none.

She fought back the lump in her throat and replied, ‘Happy New Year, Madhav! I am sorry.’ She walked to her apartment and he gazed at her silhouette until she disappeared up the stairs. ‘I love you,’ he said softly and drove back home. He parked the car in a forested area a few hundred metres away from his house. He scowled with frustration at himself in the rear-view mirror. He decided to sleep in the car as he didn’t want to face anyone that night.

10

Madhav woke up in a bed. He rubbed his eyes and looked around, but his vision remained blurry. He could see the faintest ray of moonlight penetrating the room through a small window. He got off the bed and his feet kicked an empty glass bottle aside. The bottle rolled on the floor and hit the wall, making a clanking noise.

He looked around, trying to focus his vision. Radhika was sleeping next to him, curled up in a warm blanket. He walked out of the room, confused. He remembered that they had had an argument and he had dropped her home, eventually deciding to sleep in his car. Then how was he at her house?

It certainly was Radhika’s apartment, a beautifully decorated white space with Kutch art on the walls. He walked into the foyer, shirtless. He unlatched the main door which opened on to a wide staircase. As he descended the stairs, he could tell it was very late at night, almost close to dawn. But the dark, serene night had no answers for him.

He stood in the middle of the road, half-conscious. He walked barefoot towards a wooded area. The shadows of the trees outlined his path. He saw the silhouette of a small boy on a wheelchair amidst the huge pine trees. The boy raised his hand and waved, asking Madhav to come near. Madhav walked in a daze towards the boy. As he went closer, the shadow disappeared and suddenly reappeared right behind him. He was startled and he staggered. He couldn’t see the boy’s face but he knew it was someone very close to him. The shadowy figure morphed into three separate figures and they played around merrily, pretending to pluck fruits from the trees. Madhav smiled and knelt on the ground and felt as if his childhood memories were coming to life on this dark night. The shadow in the wheelchair was now in the middle of the road, calling out to him.