But my care for Avery does not account for the full extent of my shock in that moment, because right then, I could see—though not fully—the potential for how this scandal might touch you. I could see that, when the story eventually broke, Avery might remember seeing us together. I could see that your name might eventually be drawn into this story, as a person who is now involved with me, and as a person who was once involved, however briefly, with my and Avery’s wedding plans. I knew already (I had been warned already) that there was potential for blowback on me, that the press might treat me as though my motivations were not pure. But I did not truly see, until that moment, that there would be blowback on you.

I thought I could protect you. And I was a fool.

That foolishness extends to another of my mistakes, the one that has surely caused you the most pain. It is my worst lie of omission, something I should have told you much sooner, and something that probably would have never mattered at all had I not come to see you that first day, had I not let myself get involved with you. I did tell Avery about what I had seen in the wedding program. At the time, this seemed to me to be the right thing, the honest thing to do. I showed her what I’d seen and told her I thought we should talk about the wedding and whether we should get married at all. She did not believe what I had seen in your letters was intentional. She believed that I was seeing what I wanted to see, that I was looking for some kind of sign. But still, she admitted she was relieved. It wasn’t easy or comfortable, but we did part on good terms, and I did not think she had ever told anyone else about that program. I did not think anyone—other than me, and her—had a copy of it. But of course Avery and her family are in a desperate situation. And of course they have many friends in which to confide, friends who are eager to defend them. I am a convenient target. Anything I have been involved in now must seem like fair game to them. All of it, Meg—all of it should have occurred to me sooner.