Even after he got a nursing job, Gyu-ho did not quit bartending. His brother’s vile personality was getting worse by the minute as he prepared for his licensing exams, and Gyu-ho was determined to move out as soon as he had saved enough for a rental deposit. Not only did he work five days a week at his day job, he did two nights at the club and even took a Saturday-morning shift at the clinic every other week. Our dates, which used to happen once or twice a week, shrank to once or twice a month. But at least he came to sleep at my place more often, collapsing into bed like he would never get up again. Now that we both had incomes, we could have meals at nicer places, and when we wanted to feel fancy we would book a room at a Seoul hotel. We’d drop a bath bomb into the tub, sit in the bubbles sipping champagne, never missing the opportunity to take selfies to upload on Instagram or Facebook, and then put on the hotel bathrobes and stare out at the city at night—all the usual things other people did. Of course, we didn’t do the one most important thing. Or should I say, we couldn’t? Gyu-ho would invariably, every single time, go limp as soon as he put on a condom, and if I became the one to put it on, he would bleed, and so we tried Viagra, but it gave us indigestion and blocked our noses. The panoply of medicine I had to take in the morning was already more than enough, including the digestive aids and liver protection pills. Moments like these were when Kylie, who was usually such a faint presence I could barely sense her, would suddenly appear and interfere with my life. But despite this, I decided to think of us as a completely ordinary couple of three years and not get all maudlin over it. Sometimes, I found Viagra generics or ejaculation delay medication in Gyu-ho’s pockets. He said they were samples sent from pharmaceutical companies. They’re swimming in this kind of stuff. Of course they were. But why was he carrying these things in his pocket? And I would think of the time Gyu-ho went to Japan alone. “Have lots of affairs, I’m fine.” I was the one to say that. I had Kylie, and knew all too well that Gyu-ho didn’t get to do everything he wanted to do because of her. I didn’t want to be naive about it. I could keep Gyu-ho with me by not believing in anything. I could protect myself that way. It was all right. You can’t have everything in life.

Kylie was my burden and mine alone.

◊

Gyu-ho, who’d said he had a rare day off during the week and was going to take a nap at home, showed up at my door completely incensed.

—What happened?

—I can’t live with that bastard anymore.