We cackled it away. When I drank with them, and some guy rumored to be poz passed by, our resident clown Eun-jung would say, “Everyone cover your glasses,” and we’d all burst out laughing. I’d laugh along until I remembered, Oh right, I’ve got it in me, too, which sent a chill down my spine. But mostly I don’t really think about it that much. I’ve had Kylie for five years, which means she’s like family to me. Maybe even more family than family. We share the same blood vessels, partake of the same nourishment, draw the same breath—she is me, in other words. Another me. She’ll be me until I die, even after I die. And she has to be mine alone . . .

—If you want to go out with me, you have to know this. That I am me, and I am Kylie as well. You’re the first person I’ve ever had to tell this to. But don’t let that pressure you. Not that I’m in a position to say this, seeing how I got to where I am by trusting a man too much, but I’m only telling you because I trust you for some weird reason. If you think this is too much, that’s only natural, it’s as natural as nature itself, it’s all right if you leave now. Just keep it a secret for me. So I can keep having my life as it is now. Just remember me as some hairy guy living near Naksan Park. Or better, just forget all about me. Forget there was ever someone like me in your life and keep going to your You Sulhee Nursing Academy during the week and pouring drinks on the weekends.

Gyu-ho said nothing for a long time, seriously, not a single thing, moving not even an eyelash as he stared down at Seoul, and I paused briefly to think about what to say next before speaking again.

—OK, I’ll get going. Go sightseeing for a bit and think about it and give me a call. Or not, if you don’t want to bother. It’s fine.

Pretending I really was fine, I followed the ancient wall back down into the city. The twisting, motion sickness–inducing path my feet were inefficiently walking me down made my legs feel strangely as if they were about to give way, and why was I biting my lips, my chin trembling? The walk was much farther than I’d thought. As I was thinking about just putting one foot in front of the other, a hand grabbed my shoulder. And when I turned my head, Gyu-ho was by my side, and his face, usually at eye-level, was a handspan above mine, since he was higher up on the path. From his small eyes fell large teardrops.

—How could you just say that like it’s nothing?

—It really is nothing. Compared to all the other stuff life hits you with.

—Still . . . Why do you say it with a smile? It makes me sad.