“A hyung I know,” and “kids these days.” His word choices really were like those of a stuffy, middle-aged ajussi. After a few more clues, I finally discovered that he was a whole Chinese zodiac cycle older than me—twelve years. Born 1976, year of the dragon, entering class of 1995 at K— University.

Despite the natural sense of a generation gap, it didn’t change how I felt about him in the least. He stroked my short beard.

—Lying here with you in the dark . . .

—Yes, hyung?

—It’s like we’re the last two people on Earth.

—Oh, hyung. Enough with that.

Conversations with him at his house sometimes gave me the feeling that he was reciting lines from a Greek tragedy or an absurdist play, or even an eighties movie. Sure, it was partly because he liked to talk about existential stuff or his philosophy of the universe, but it was also because we spoke in formal Korean. I actually sort of liked it that way and thought it was a cute dynamic to have as a couple. What an idiot I was back then.

Around sunup, he and I would leave through the front gate that creaked as if it were crying. There was a dry cleaner in the neighborhood shopping center next door to his house. When the dry cleaner was open, he walked two steps behind me. When it was closed, he walked holding onto my little finger. I liked walking down the street with him hand in hand so much that I preferred to leave early with him. We would reach the main road together and stand shoulder to shoulder until the first bus arrived.

When the bus came and I climbed in, he would put one hand on my back then wave to me with the other. I would sit near the back and turn to the window, through which I could see him waving. The people around me would be dozing as I watched his form grow smaller and smaller. He would wave until the bus turned a corner and I vanished completely from his sight. He was the first person who had ever gazed after me that way.

For too long, I was caught up in the delusion that wherever I was and whatever I did, he would always be there behind me, waving. And so I would return to the hospital under the last remnants of moonlight, creep soundlessly through the newly scrubbed corridors, empty my bladder, and begin my day by listening to Umma complain about how bad her sleep had been.

◊

He and I continued to see each other after the twelve-week course at the institute had ended.