After the trip, we began to argue more often than ever. Twice we even split up. One of the times we were apart, Gyu-ho moved out, and the other time, I did. We saw different people. A lot of people in my case, and probably the same for Gyu-ho. Once enough time passed and our hate, resentment, and reasons for fighting began to fade from memory, we got back together, moved back into the apartment, and asked no questions of each other as we silently made up and continued our relationship.

4.

After New Year’s, we started taking Mandarin classes. Gyu-ho’s hospital was planning to launch a consortium with a big Chinese medical corporation to set up hospitals in Beijing and Shanghai, which was what prompted me to suggest it. There had been rumors circulating in my company that we were opening a China office too. And as the time we spent together had shrunk so much, it seemed to be a good idea to have something we could do jointly. On nights when classes finished late, we would take a cab back home together, staring off in opposite directions. Seoul’s scenery passed by slowly outside the car window. The first time I met Gyu-ho, these streets were flooded with the light of neon. Thinking of my emotions back then, I couldn’t help but grin. I had been the one to sign up for classes first, but Gyu-ho was making much better progress. I wasn’t great at memorizing things, and unlike me, illiterate in Chinese characters from a young age, ­Gyu-ho used his characteristic diligence to forge ahead with great speed. He managed to obtain a level 5 on the HSK exam in only six months. I failed that level but applied for the post in Shanghai anyway.

Two weeks later, I heard the news that I and a coworker who had been hired two years before me were up for the post. Gyu-ho swiftly applied for his counterpart administrative position at his company’s Shanghai clinic and got the job. They were even offering him a living stipend. We looked up where to live in Shanghai, where the city’s gay clubs were, what the prices were like, and good places to buy furniture. While I was looking up the visa requirements for my job, I came across a clause saying that anyone wishing to reside for more than six months in China needed to pass a physical. A physical that included blood work. According to my search results, China was cracking down on sexually transmitted diseases that in recent years had been spreading among their population.

Kylie.

I had wanted too much. I’d already been given so much in the past three years. When you try to have too much, you’re bound to stumble at some point.