How quick I was to give away my name, little bird, to save my neck. We would keep our dignity, not sacrifice our independence. I would live according to my philosophy, and he to his—that’s what I told myself. But I can’t deny the powerful temptation, then, to let Gilbert Imlay seal our bond, more sacred to me than any legal marriage could be, by putting pen to paper and making his name mine.

By the end of summer we were living together at Saint-Germain. Imlay founded a trading company with Joel Barlow to seize opportunities around the English embargo on French trade. America would be only too glad to supply soap, wheat, whatever was needed, and Imlay was uniquely positioned to make it happen. Though his days were filled with “minding the main chance,” we passed the evenings by candlelight in our cozy blue nest of rooms. We took supper, read aloud to each other, had long conversations about the future, ours so seemingly tied to that of France. A thousand pounds, he said, was what was needed to finance our American dream. It didn’t seem right to me that our simple farm should cost so much, but he felt energized and I, cherished. Our hearts, at least, were aimed in the same direction.

When he announced that he had to go to Le Havre for a while, more than a hundred miles away, I tried not to show my trepidation. His company would focus largely on Sweden and Norway, which were more than willing to take Bourbon silver off French hands in exchange for legal currency. We’d be very rich, he said when he hugged me good-bye outside his waiting carriage, and very soon. And then we would sail to America.

In September I suspected I was pregnant; by October I knew it. I relished the idea of becoming a mother, and Imlay seemed delighted by the news, vowing to return to Paris as soon as he could. He made me promise to watch over myself, and our child-to-be. I overflowed with tenderness toward him, and toward myself. Our child was the embodiment of true love and the revolutionary values we held most dear: trust, loyalty, equality. Except for Imlay’s absence, my life circled round and became whole, my happiness complete.