A man with only one arm and no other limbs passes by on a skateboard, his torso resting on the board. People push each other out of the way, or jump right over him as he whizzes past. Various women try to entice me into massage parlours. I pick up my walking pace, eager not to be an easy target. I can’t remember speeding anywhere when I was here with Jack. We’d muse about how fast everybody was darting about, whereas we were like Mr and Mrs Soft, gliding through glue, in no hurry to be anywhere. Maybe we’d been easy targets together, although we’d probably wanted to stop for massages and to buy t-shirts, or at least for a bit of a chat with a local.

The main street’s market stalls and tables, piled with shiny sunglasses and watches, come to an end at a busy junction. I’m one of what feels like thousands waiting to cross. The other side is more spacious: a huge golden Buddha statue rests on a tall marble slab, with tourists and locals alike sitting on the steps or surrounding grass, eating small cartons of street food from an array of vendors. A strong peanut aroma clashes with petrol fumes.

I walk on through the square city gardens. Another busy road greets me, tuk-tuks jammed beside one another, neon taxis lined up or trying to edge their way into the traffic. This is all so familiar. Although the last time I was here, I wasn’t taking in every inch of my surroundings like I am today. I was meandering with Jack. I was whimsical. I was flying.

Another market engulfs me. The stalls are selling battery-operated plastic toys, which flash and make whooping sounds. I shimmy through the tourists and slow down to glance at the fridge magnets on the next set of stalls. I don’t want to buy anything, but there are so many people to push past that it’s draining and, well, I’m not in any hurry. I need to breathe. The magnets seem to go on forever. They vary from Buddha to bowls of noodles to the longtail boats from the floating markets. There are flat photograph magnets of the city, the temples, the nightlife …

And …

No.

It can’t be.