I hear my name. It’s our Kit’s old flatmate from uni and bless her, she’s so pregnant.

‘Looking fabulous, Tasha!’ I say. ‘How long?’

‘Twins,’ Tasha says. ‘Still got a long way to go!’

I spot Beth and Fergus. Beth’s chattering away to somebody I don’t know; Fergus is reading the order of service. We’ve been in touch since the skiing incident, but only pleasantries about today – you know, the usual logistics. I’m hoping our fight will pass by unnoticed and we’ll be on the dance floor together later.

‘Chloe! Yay!’ a voice chirps from the seat reserved beside mine.

It’s my lovely plus-one. I go straight in for a hearty hug. ‘Hiya, Si.’

We tell each other how fabulous the other looks and I sit down, leaning back into my seat so I can introduce him to my family. He stretches across me to shake hands with my dad, then my mum, my nan.

‘He’s just a friend,’ my nan confirms.

Before my mum can comment, we’re all instructed to stand for the service. Des’ree starts singing through the speakers.

*

I’m cornered in between the starter and the main. In the loo.

‘Of all the men you could’ve brought, why a gay one?’ my mum asks, ironically given we’re at a gay wedding. There’s only two cubicles, both of which we’ve emerged from. She’s still wearing her jade-green bolero but her matching fascinator is off, unlikely to be fixed back on. I run the tap, wash my hands.

‘Oh, Mum. You make it sound like I’ve got a catalogue of men to pick from.’

‘But, why, Chlo? Why a gay one?’

‘He’s not gay.’

She pulls a face as if to say don’t mess with me, like she’s the godmother of all gays.

‘Mum, it’s really none of our business what he is, is it?’

‘Well, he’s having a lovely time with our Kit’s friend Malcolm.’

‘Good for Si. I’m glad.’

She’s either getting a headache or feigning one.

‘But why?’ she moans again.

‘Fine. You want the nice reason? Or the honest reason?’

I dig into the secret pocket of my dress and offer her my lipstick. She declines and opens her beaded clutch bag to fish out her own.

‘The nice reason,’ I say, ‘is that Si’s a lovely person. I didn’t think there’d be anything wrong with having a guy who just oozes loveliness by me side on a day like today. A day which might be difficult for me.’

I hate myself for saying that last part. I didn’t intend for it to sound like that. Not surprisingly, my mum rolls her eyes and puckers up to apply another coat.