Then I saw the flash of a blade as it was tucked back into Manson’s pocket.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I gasped. Manson’s glare was still fixed on Alex, his fingers digging into Lucas’s shoulder. “Don’t start shit. The knife? Really?”

“Don’t start shit, she says.” Lucas shook his head as he broke away from Manson’s hold, rubbing his hand roughly over his buzzed hair. He tipped back his beer, drained the bottle, and muttered, “I need another fucking drink.”

People were staring, murmuring to each other. But I didn’t feel vulnerable until the boys stepped away from me, finally doing what I’d demanded all along and getting out of my way. Once they stepped back, the bravery I’d felt when I got between Manson and Alex was gone.

Manson was looking at me strangely, his expression unreadable. I glanced over at Danielle, who mouthed, What are you doing?

A great question, and one I couldn’t even answer.

I sighed heavily, turning away from Manson and the others. My fingers were freezing from how tightly I was gripping my beer, and I was ready to get back to having a nice normal night out.

I needed this feeling inside me to die. This weird, shameful longing. This feeling that I’d done something wrong.

“Do you think you can keep pretending it didn’t happen?”

I whirled around. Manson was smirking at me, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. The expression I’d found unreadable before was obvious now. It was anger. He was angry at me.

I walked back toward him. “What the hell does that mean?”

His smirk widened as I stood toe to toe with him. “Your cheeks got red the second you saw us. You fantasize about it.” I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off. “That wasn’t a question. It’s obvious. Every time you get on your knees for some handsome airhead, you think it would be a lot more fun if I’d ordered you to do it, don’t you? Maybe you even hear my voice in your head, telling you to kneel like a good girl, and it gets you wet enough to actually enjoy that subpar dick you’ve been fooling yourself with for the past few years.”

Rage bubbled up inside me, overflowing as it seared through every limb. “How dare you say that to me —”

“Why? It’s true. I can see it in your eyes, Jess, I can see it.” The boys were watching, but Manson kept his voice low. “I know what it looks like when you lie. You wanted that night to be a fun little experiment. Everyone’s wild in college, right? No big deal.” He lowered his voice even further, bringing his mouth close to my ear. “But what happens when the experiment is too good? Turns out you’re just as perverted as the freaks, but that doesn’t fit Jessica Martin’s grand life plan, does it?” Venom dripped from his voice, so shockingly angry that I held my breath. “You go chasing dick and realize none of it is quite as good. It’s not the same. So you close your eyes and imagine it’s one of us instead.”