On the television, the opening credits in cartoon format, with catchy piano riff, roll. We had several sittings with the animators, but this is the first time we’re seeing the finished product. Faith is drawn as toothpick-thin with masses of blonde hair, wearing a barely-there red skirt. She sits atop the bench, her long legs dangling. Poppy, delightfully pixie-sized by comparison, is in a prima ballerina outfit and has drawn-on rainbow wings, with which it appears she can fly around the set. The head on my caricature is sort of bulbous, but my blue eyes are spectacular. I’m at the bench, stirring a steaming pot with a big wooden spoon. My body is mostly obscured, however, my boobs appear much perter than in person. I can’t complain.

‘We’re like the Simpsons, only cuter,’ Faith gushes down the line.

On screen, Poppy flutters about on her pixie wings as our names roll over the top of this sensational scene. At the sound of a doorbell, a handsomely drawn black man, with jade-green gemstone eyes, steps through the door.

‘Toby,’ Faith sighs, ‘I miss him.’

Faith and he have texted since he visited for the first show – with Faith being on a sabbatical, not about venture capital stuff.

‘Never mind, here’s Ben the dentist and his electric hands,’ I say.

In a nod to future episodes, in the promo, cartoon Ben is a pinhead with a ballooned white lab coat and spinning electrical toothbrushes as his hands. As he bounds at Faith – for reasons unknown, his feet are giant springs – my character pops an entire chilli in his mouth. Ben’s cartoon head explodes.

Faith and I erupt into hysterics.

Poppy exits the animation with a flying, mid-air somersault and returns leading a… creature. Oh my gosh. A cartoon beast, with the head of a man, a Mohican hair-do and – oh my – a dog-like body. A tail, and EIGHT pierced nipples.

‘DJ Bassdog, in da house,’ I boom, sounding very much like a 300-pound MC from Detroit.

‘Goodness me,’ Faith mumbles.

‘You had sex with that,’ I remind her childishly. Faith had rung me on Valentine’s Day after her visit to Bassdog’s studio to confirm that yes he was indeed pierced everywhere. On screen, Bassdog sniffs at the hemline of Faith’s short red skirt. ‘Was it the big drooly tongue that won you over, darling?’

‘The piercing on the big drooly tongue, if you must know,’ Faith replies evenly. Faith had also confided that those piercings were very much for her pleasure. ‘Not jealous, are we?’

I was asleep when Jordan got in after his ball, but he had brought me home chocolates, perfume and flowers from the evening, and we’d laughed about him not actually buying them in the morning. No sex, obviously – though that wasn’t a disappointment.

To be perfectly frank, I’m worried I may be losing my libido.

I hear Faith take another gulp.