Because living with Jordan is more like having a flatmate than a partner – a crappy flatmate at that, given he’s a lazy oik around the house and doesn’t pay rent. (As agreed, he reimburses me the bills.)

And still I’m not ready to rip off the Band-Aid.

Right now, I need my energy for other things.

‘Jordan, can I tell you about my new show?’

‘Did you mention Faith’s involved?’

Tuesday, I’d left several messages on Jordan’s voicemail, including when I was out drunk with Howard and the others. In this instance, I’m relieved he doesn’t get into the details.

‘Yes, she’ll be on camera with me. She instigated the whole set-up, I might add.’

‘Dare I ask what this involves?’

As Jordan does about Robert, I often relay some, but not all, details of Faith’s dalliances. Jordan may be unsurprised to learn that Faith has managed to spin off a sexed-up cookery show from the ashes of my old routine.

‘We begin filming in just over a week and it’s called Eat Me,’ I begin.

‘That sounds… racy.’ Jordan looks up from his papers.

‘The innuendo is deliberate.’ I take a breath. ‘As you said yourself, sex sells.’

Jordan nods with a puzzled expression, that could be condescension.

‘So, what exactly is this show about?’ he asks.

‘It’s a titillating cookery show, if you can imagine?’ I’ve practiced this spiel inside my head a few times. ‘It’s basically Faith inviting a different date on to set each week and me teaching her to cook. We’ll be our usual chatty selves and, to your point, it will be a bit racy… Obviously, I’m in a relationship, so I won’t be talking about sex or anything,’ I quickly add.

I’m only warning Jordan that this new show – the show we’ll begin filming imminently and that will televise publicly shortly after – may include some spicy discussions that might reflect on him personally. Of course, the main banter will be about Faith and her man of the week. I’m there primarily to cook. And Jordan isn’t expected to make an appearance – we’re keeping his identity a mystery. (Faith suggested we could refer to him as ‘Master J’, which I protested was too Fifty Shades of Grey for my comfort – albeit that couldn’t be further from what things are like between us currently; I understand Joanna is waiting for me to come around.) I’ve no intention of letting anything too personal about us become public fodder. I’ll just be more comfortable if Jordan is fully informed.

From the look on his face, Jordan thinks I’m having a go at him about our non-existent love life.