It’s three hours before we record our sixth episode. With no prior warning, Monsieur Christophe Laurent, a prominent Swiss architect, has fled the studio. Faith had met him through her circle and flirted with, but not dated him. A handsome man in his early forties, with a keen intellect and an acerbic wit, he seemed suitable. But the Swiss like to play it safe. From the safety of City airport, where he’s about to board a plane back to Zurich, Christophe calls to say he isn’t coming back. On seeing the set of Eat Me and getting a feel for what’s involved, he’s gravely concerned that an appearance on our show will leave his professional reputation in tatters. After what’s happened to Jordan, a sensible consideration.

‘What shall we do?’ Faith cries, her usual composure noticeably absent. ‘I’ve no one left in my little black book who’s up for this. Who can we invite with such short notice?’

‘What about this guy?’ Poppy holds up a newspaper. ‘Maximilian Modacious, Poseidon in the new blockbuster. American. Staying around the corner at The Met.’

In the picture, Maximilian has long, blonde, flowing hair – almost as long, blonde and flowing as Faith’s – and his body is insanely ripped with muscles. A cloth girding his loins and a golden trident in hand, he’s the temptation of the semi-naked mermaids at his feet. Clam shells cover their bosoms.

‘Says here he’s just split with one of the mermaids, so he’s single,’ Poppy adds.

In front of the mirror, Faith smooths her floral-print dress and sucks in her flat stomach. She looks like a glamorous throwback to the swinging sixties.

‘It’s a long shot. I’ll see if the bookers can put me in touch. Fingers crossed.’

Maximilian isn’t available. His agent confirmed he’s busy with interviews all day. In desperation, Faith persuades young Adrian from our advertising sales department to step in. Harry, stuck in traffic somewhere, and Joanna, on a business trip to the States, are missing on set. But Robin and the crew are here and, given the circumstances, it’s all nicely done. A brilliant save.

Faith jokes about her date ditching her at the last-minute. I comment mystery boyfriends aren’t much more reliable – a cryptic reference to my non-existent relationship. And Adrian plays along nicely, enjoying his stint in front of the camera. It’s clear he’s going to be dining out on this tale for a long time to come. For food, we prepare a stir-fry beef with black-bean sauce and serve it with steamed rice and freshly made prawn crackers. I’d almost forgotten how much fun it is to cook prawn crackers from scratch, the way they puff up within seconds of hitting the hot oil.