You know better than that. No professional is going to tell you to go back. 

Okay, maybe not. But she was definitely going to force me to take a look at things I didn't want to look at. While I was in London pursuing my dream, there were parts of me that were still terrified and afraid. I'd left him behind, but I was still scared.

I walked into the reception area and checked myself in before having a seat. A part of me was desperate to pull out my phone, to lose myself in the banalities of my Instagram feed, but I forced myself to sit there. To look around at my surroundings. I wasn't going to numb the feeling.

No. I wanted to do this. Enjoy this. Be this. This version of myself that I could actually be proud of. Numbing the pain of being here wasn't going to help me do that.

Five minutes later, I was ushered into Dr. Kaufman's office. I was surprised when I walked in. I expected an old woman that looked like someone's New York grandmother. Short, with kinky curling hair, glasses, slightly frumpy.

But no. Dr. Kaufman was certainly not frumpy. She was elegant in her movements, and she marched up to me and shook my hand. "Abena Nartey? Hello, I'm Dr. Kaufman. Most of my patients just call me Elisa."

I stuttered. "Oh, I, uh… Sorry, yeah, I'm Abena. Most of my friends call me Abbie."

Her smile was soft and kind. "Abbie, welcome."

As she marched back to a small corner of the room, I watched her. Her hair, dark, sleek, and flat-ironed within an inch of its life, swung and bounced as she walked. She was trim, fit. And she looked young. Her face was smoothed and aligned. Not a single grey hair on her head. She could have been me at thirty. When she turned, she asked, "Would you like some water?"

I shook my head. "No, thank you. I'm good.”

She nodded and watched me. "Okay then, why don't you tell me why you're here?"

She gestured me to a seat while she took one across from me. And I silently wondered where the couch was. Weren't all therapists supposed to have a couch? "I— I just moved here from DC. And there're some things I want to work on, to make sure I have the fullest London experience. And I know that if I don't talk to someone, I'm always going to be looking back, I guess. Or even worse, making the same kinds of mistakes I've made before."

She nodded. "Okay, why don't you tell me about some of your mistakes?"