His voice shook with emotion as he continued. “Why do you think I was so happy to drop whatever I was doing and fly across sectors to meet up with you on your shore leaves, all to help you in your mad quixotic quest? That was your passion. Mine was to help you fulfill it. All I wanted was to see the joy light up in your eyes, to see that blinding smile when your dream finally came true. All I needed for myself was to know I’d been there for you, to help you pull it off.”

Uhura’s emotions roiled. The warmth his words evoked in her was uncomfortable, unwelcome in the midst of her anger, her pain. How dare he say these things? But her own emotions in response were so confused that she was paralyzed, unable to know how to react.

He blinked away tears. “Then, at Argelius, you finally caught up with your impossible dream—and right after that, so did I. When you told me you loved me too… I couldn’t believe it. I feared it was too good to be true.

“So when the very next message I got was you telling me you didn’t even recognize my name…”

Shastri fell silent, aside from several deep, shuddering breaths. The silence boiled between them like the quantum vacuum, until his next words finally resolved from out of so many possibilities.

“I know I had no right to be so cruel, Nyota. It was petty and unfair, no matter how hurt I was. And knowing now how much harm I did you… I’m ashamed.

“That’s what I hope you can understand. What I’m not sure I really faced until just now. My bitterness at having all this dredged up again… It’s not the same resentment or insecurity I felt before. I… I came through that all right. I rebuilt, the same as you. I met Sudo, we built a life, had a son… I’m happy with what I have.”

She felt a pang at his words. Of jealousy? Of envy? Of loss?

He went on regardless. “So the anger I feel is not… it’s not toward you. What makes me so upset is that… that I couldn’t be there for you when everything had been taken away. All I ever wanted was to be there for you. And when you needed me most… you didn’t remember me. And that felt like a failure and a rejection and… I refused to believe it because it broke my heart either way, so if my heart was going to be broken anyway, I decided I should at least be mad about it.” He wept freely now. “I got so mad at you because the alternative would hurt too much. But all I did was hurt you more.”