“It’s okay. I miss her, too.”

Vernesha nods. “I find her sleeping in here sometimes.”

“Sure, I get that.”

She backs out and closes the door.

I’m alone.

First thing, check the dresser pile. Don’t want to forget later.

It’s mail. All of it. As I sort through the stack of fancy envelopes, my heart crumples up like a wad of paper in a fist.

Stanford. Howard. Lincoln. Northwestern. Morehouse. Penn. Hampton. Xavier. Dozens of state universities, too, from all around. I got all these same envelopes, some time ago. I loved them. Reading every one was like taking a different vacation in my brain. And all because I dragged T to some career fair and we put our names and addresses on a list. It would have been, I don’t know, a week before he died? Or a month? Maybe two? When we thought we both had a hundred years ahead of us.

It never occurred to me to wonder if T was getting them, too. I never knew that his mom had to open the mailbox, every day for weeks, and … God.

I shovel the pile into my backpack. Maybe I’ll throw them away tomorrow, but maybe I won’t.

You sentimental idiot. T’s voice comes crisp and clear like he’s in the room with me.

“Shut up,” I answer, but we both know I don’t mean it.

I tug off my jeans and lie on the bed.

You miss me so much you’re gonna hang on to my junk mail?

“You know I do.”

You’re a mess, Ty. One big hot mess, my brother.

“Fair enough.”

Don’t be stupid. Take care of you. Leave the rest alone.

“And Tina.”

I appreciate you looking out for her. She’s gonna be okay. We grow ’em tough in the Johnson family.

“Like you?”

T scoffs. Tina’s way tougher than me. That should be obvious.

“Shae was her friend.”

Yeah.

I snuggle down beneath the covers. When I close my eyes, it’s easy to pretend he’s mere inches away, down in his sleeping bag on the floor. We used to take turns.

Don’t get too comfortable in my bed, there, you hear?

I smile. “Shut up.”

Maybe, on some level, this is what I wanted all along. To sleep in his room, which I’ve done dozens of times. It was always the safe, happy place in my world. I don’t know what it is now. Still that, sort of. But also the heart of all of this pain. The feeling of being alone in the world is both less and more all at once.

It’s weird. Good weird.

To return to a part of the world we once shared, even if it’s only for a little while. Even if it’s only pretend.

ROBB

Will and his parents leave for school and work. We’re alone in the condo, DeVante and me.