I don’t even know how much she remembers. I don’t know how to talk about it with her. I don’t know how to ask what any of it meant: Were you lashing out in pain, or were you loose enough to reveal what you really wanted?

We’re friends. We may never be more.

If I keep coming here, I’ll keep hoping. If I stop, I’m leaving her in the lurch.

KIMBERLY

“So … pizza night is not a thing anymore?” Jennica says. She’s sitting on the couch.

Crud. I forgot again. I’m being a terrible friend and there’s no excuse for it. I plop my purse onto the counter.

“We got really busy at the office this evening.” That’s a stretch, but what am I supposed to say? It’ll hurt her feelings if I say I forgot. Again.

“You weren’t at the salon?”

“I was, but my last appointment canceled. I went by the office after my shift.” I slip out of my shoes and poke around the kitchen. Maybe I can whip up something that will feel kinda special. But nope. We’ve got nothing great in the fridge. Pantry, either.

“We can order in,” I suggest. “We haven’t done that in a while.” The take-out menu drawer is nice and full. “My treat,” I promise.

“Okay,” she says. There’s a pause while I riffle through the menus. “If you really want to,” Jennica adds. “I mean, if you don’t have anything better to do.”

Oh, double crap. “I love hanging out with you. You know that.”

Jennica’s looking out the window, which is as close to turning her back on me as possible while sitting. “You never have time lately. But it’s not a big deal.”

“I’m sorry, okay?” I bring four choices over to her. All her favorites, including the pizza. “Really. It’s just you and me tonight, okay?” Zeke was going to come over later, but I’ll text him and tell him I’ll see him tomorrow.

Jennica smiles. But there’s something behind it that shatters my heart.

“Hey.” I pile myself onto the couch beside her. She leans into me instantly. No hesitation. The shards of my heart pulse. “I know I haven’t really been around much.”

“You have a boyfriend now,” she says. “I get it. I know what they’re like. They want all your time and attention.”

“No,” I say. “It’s not like that.” Zeke’s not asking me for everything. Not in the destructive, controlling way Jennica’s used to. The thing is, I love him. I want to give everything. It’s different. But I don’t know how to explain. “This thing we’re doing, with SCORE … it’s bigger than us. It’s only for a little longer. The grand jury will come back within a couple of days. Everything will settle back to normal.”

It feels true, until I say it out loud.

Jennica lies very still in my arms. She doesn’t say it, but I can feel her thinking it. I’m thinking it, too.