‘It’s early days yet. Anyway, I think we’ve had enough excitement for a lifetime.’

He arched an eyebrow. ‘You think your wedding will be exciting? It’ll be the most monotonous and boring day I could imagine. It’ll be you and Byron gazing googly-eyed at each other and going all soppy.’ He made vomit noises.

‘Then why are you bringing it up?’

Bob straightened. ‘Because he’s the one.’

I loved Byron. But to say he was the one? That seemed rather … definite. ‘I don’t know that.’

‘Yes, you do,’ Bob said, not unkindly. ‘You’re not that stupid, Uh Integrity. You know what love is.’

‘Perhaps. But too many women think that a wedding is good just because it has a nice ring to it.’

‘I could kill you with my thumb, you know.’

My grin widened. ‘Go ahead. Give it a shot.’

He tutted. ‘Be serious, please. Is Byron perfect?’

‘No. Although,’ I amended, ‘he might be perfect for me.’

Bob grabbed my little finger and gave it a tight hug. ‘Lust projects. Lust sees perfection where none exists. You know Byron has faults and you know he’s not perfect. He knows you’re not perfect. You’re stubborn and hard-headed and you have a criminal past, not to mention that your jokes are possibly the worst ones in the universe.’ He held up his tiny hand. ‘Don’t interrupt me, I’m on a roll. Love isn’t about possession. It’s not about filling an empty void within yourself. I see you when you look at him. You want the best for him. You don’t idealise him. You know he still has a spoilt streak. You know he still has untapped potential but you want him to realise that for himself. You think your feelings for him are complicated but they’re really not. There are no secrets. No ulterior motives. No joking around or kidding yourselves. You’re willing to accept each other as you truly are. That’s why you should get married.’

I stared dumbly at him. For the first time in my life I might have regretted making a stupid joke before giving Bob a chance to speak. The genie clearly had hidden depths I didn’t know about.

‘Plus,’ he added, ‘I have always wanted to be a bridesmaid. None of that ugly dress shite though. I want to be beautiful. And I want fabulous wedding favours. Also, the chance to ridicule you because you’re wearing a giant white meringue.’

I flicked him away. ‘Get lost.’ I rather liked the idea of proposing to Byron. Maybe I’d consider it but I wasn’t wearing white. Hot pink all the way.

‘Yeah, yeah.’ He glanced behind my shoulder. ‘Speak of the devil.’

I turned round and spotted Byron. We smiled at each other, the rest of the world fading away until I barely noticed when Bob vanished, no doubt off to do more mischief.

‘Hey,’ I said eventually, when it became clear that we’d probably just stand there and grin at each other all day. ‘Did you manage to sort out, uh, your father?’