Do you believe in an afterlife, Dave? I’m asking because it could have something to do with what happened yesterday. I should back up. A couple of weeks ago, my blind grandma told me she could see again. At first I thought, oh my God it’s a miracle! But no. She saw things that weren’t there—warriors on horses, fire-breathing dragons, tiny children in white hats. My whole life, I never heard her say anything that sounded even a little bit crazy. But she was dead serious, so I played along. I asked, “Where are they, Popo?” and she pointed to the foot of the bed. She explained that she wasn’t scared, but they were exhausting her because they wouldn’t leave her alone. She said she hadn’t slept for days. Then she started swatting the air in front of her, trying to make the hallucinations go away. I didn’t know what to do so I just joined in. I started swinging at the air shouting, “Get! Go! Fuck off, dragon! Fuck off, tiny children!” but when I stopped Popo said, “No, keep going, they’re still there.” So I kept going until my voice and arms were sore. But after all that effort she told me they were still there.

At first she wondered if she was hallucinating because of the cataract surgery or the new medication. Then she wondered if she had dementia. But Popo’s daughters—my Aunt Flora and Aunt Mei—had another theory. They told me that people who are close to death, usually the old and the sick, they start experiencing hallucinations that are actually glimpses of the afterlife. I don’t know if that’s a Chinese thing or just their thing, but they believed it enough to tell Popo that her visions of warriors, dragons, and little kids were there to lead her towards the light. Maybe Popo believed that, too, and she was following the visions when she jumped. Or maybe she killed herself because she just wanted her suffering to end.

The police said she must have jumped from the living room window, as it was the only window in the apartment that would’ve given her a clear fall, no obstructions, for twelve floors. She would’ve had to wait for a wash day, the only time her helper Suli would unlock the window grille to hang out the laundry. After a week of rain, the sun finally came out yesterday. Popo would have waited until Suli finished the laundry and left for the market. Then Popo must have felt her way to the living room, climbed onto the ledge, pushed a wet shirt out of the way, and jumped.