DICK GUY: You caught me.

ME: All right, you’re not. No serial killer would ever admit it.

DICK GUY: Maybe I’m just saying it…

ME: What do you want, dear stranger with the nice penis?

DICK GUY: Ah, thank you, dear stranger with the self-proclaimed great boobs.

DICK GUY: Would you confront the girl who gave you the wrong number?

ME: Depends. Is there a reason you’re asking?

DICK GUY: She messaged me asking where it was.

I blinked at the screen. That girl was either as thick as two short planks or she had some serious lady balls.

Unless she was my number neighbor. You know, that thing where you have the exact same number as someone else, bar one digit?

There was a relatively easy way to figure that out…

I sent two text messages, one to each of my number neighbors. I sent the exact same message.

ME: Hi! You’re my number neighbor! I’m Reagan and I’m conducting an experiment. What’s your name and where are you from?

I had no idea if this would pay off, so I sent Dick Guy another text right after.

ME: There’s every chance she messed up her number and she could be my number neighbor. I texted mine to ask what their name is and where they’re from.

His response was swift.

DICK GUY: What the fuck is a number neighbor?

Oh, my God. Was this guy allergic to the Internet? I swear I couldn’t go a day without seeing a meme or some shit about it.

I sent him a quick text back explaining.

DICK GUY: That sounds like the quickest way to get yourself killed.

ME: Yet here I am doing it for you.

DICK GUY: I hope someone reads these messages and invites me to your funeral.

ME: I hope someone reads these messages and blames you for it.

ME: Also, my great-aunt read these earlier. She’s not a fan of privacy.

DICK GUY: Did you delete the dick pic?

ME: No. I had to go to work and forgot.

DICK GUY: I guess I hoped she liked it.

My phone dinged with a message from a number that was eerily close to mine. I clicked on the dropdown notification and to that conversation.

NN #1: Ch eryl? Is th t you ? Did you lose your h ou s e key a gain ?

Yep. It was safe to say that one of my number neighbors was not the intended recipient for Dick Guy’s picture.

ME: Bad news. One neighbor texted. She’s clearly old enough to be my grandma.

DICK GUY: How’d you know that?

ME: *screenshot*

DICK GUY: …You’re right. Any news from the other potential serial killer?

ME: Not yet. I’ll keep you posted.

DICK GUY: She’s playing me, isn’t she?

ME: More fool her. My great-aunt was very impressed by your photo.

DICK GUY: I wouldn’t usually respond to that, but I’m not gonna lie, I’ve had an ego hit this week.

ME: She zoomed in on your tattoos.