The judges were here watching, and I put on my most charming smile, making sure to nail the quad combo so they’d forget all about that uncharacteristic pop earlier.

I tried to enjoy it. I’d worked my whole life to be here. I’d sacrificed a normal childhood. It should be fun, shouldn’t it? What was the point if I was stressed and miserable?

If Henry, Kuznetzov, Wang Zhan, and the Japanese champion, Hayato Uchida, all did well in our short programs today, we’d see how the judges stacked us going into our event. The judging panels wouldn’t have the same people on them, so it wasn’t apples to apples, but it was obviously a good indicator.

The scattered people in the stands applauded when I hit my final pose, snapping my fingers with a wink. I visualized doing it again in a few hours in the competition arena with a full house. The Olympic rings decorated center ice below the surface, and I skated over them, trying to enjoy the moment.

And if I thought of Henry and how the arches of his feet were ticklish and when he really smiled his eyes lit up, that was okay too.

Well, it wasn’t perfect, but it was a trial run. I’d lost my concentration on my camel spin and wandered, losing speed and barely able to grind out the last two revolutions. But whatever—I hated spins. My jumps were bangers, and they were way more important.

In the team event, we got our scores in our country boxes with our teammates cheering and waving flags. I hugged them and smiled and made hearts with my hands at the camera. Henry was in first place from earlier, and though I hadn’t seen him skate, I knew from his score that he’d done well. Maybe a little mistake?

They announced my score, and I zoomed ahead of him—but only by three points. The gap had narrowed significantly since he’d added the quad Lutz to his short program this season. The Canadian crowd still cheered for me, and I buzzed with excitement.

I’d been to Worlds plenty of times, but the Olympics really were massive in comparison. I passed under another set of iconic rings as I made my way into the maze of tunnels toward the dressing room.

The Canadian team members were clustered ahead in their red uniforms with white trim. They had to know they’d probably only get bronze, so they were having fun because why the hell not. My gaze immediately found Henry, but he wasn’t laughing and chattering.

Was he upset that I’d beat him? Maybe it was dumb given it was literally my job to beat him and everyone else, but I wanted to apologize. I wanted to hug him. I just wanted to be near him.

You know who was near him?

Adrenaline spiked as I spotted Anton in the group. The group that Henry lingered on the edges of even though he was the one who’d just skated. Who the fuck did Anton think he was? He wasn’t even part of Canada’s top pair and wasn’t competing in the team event. Sure, he and Hannah were allowed to sit with the team in the box and cheer, but Anton had to know his presence upset Henry.