But we weren’t live. This was a rare, private moment. One that was recorded only in my Book of Secrets; a palm-sized, leather-bound journal with thick vanilla pages. Real paper. A rarity. I kept it hidden in the zippered belly of my sleep sheep, my lovey for as long as I can remember. Its pages were finite, so I savored the moments I recorded, the memories meant for me alone.

I leaned against my mother, memorizing her slim grasp, wanting to stay her little girl but at the same time ready to prove I could fly.

“I love you, Mom,” I said. “Thank you for making my dreams come true.”

Taking my hand, she smiled. “That’s what we’re made of, my love. Dreams.”

Rinsing out the conditioner, I squeeze the water from my hair before pulling the plug on the drain. And now it’s time for the nightmare to be over.

Allard hands me a towel, and I climb out of the water, wrapping myself in soft fluff. As I towel dry my long, hand-painted locks, I picture my bloated lips shriveling, my cheeks deflating without the fat to fill them, and Ella is one step closer to dead for me. She’s destined to be overwritten with time, anyway, stamped out by someone prettier, more popular, more alive.

With a nod, I decide. “Let’s do it.”

Chapter Three

June 20X5, Keystone

“Few believe in Keystone’s existence,” Allard says as we walk through the forest. “And we like to keep it that way.”

The thin morning air is crisp and clean, smelling of sweet, wet dirt. Leaves pitter-patter in a breeze overhead, and fire is in the air. I’d love to collapse next to its warmth, but memories lie in the flames, and I force myself onward.

“There are a few buildings visible at ground level, like the Lodge,” she says. We pause in front of a dilapidated stone building with leaded glass windows and broken wraparound porches. It’s so covered in ivy it’s like the earth is trying to reclaim it. “This is our central meeting place.”

“People go in there?” Imagining what sized spiders lurk inside, I shiver.

She smiles. “Yes, but it’s not accessible through any doors or windows. You’ll see when everyone comes back from summer break. The entry points are locked this time of year…not that we couldn’t break in.” She winks. “But we’ll start your training elsewhere.”

“Thank God. That place looks like it could collapse at any second,” I say, following her past the Lodge, our path unmarked. “I’d rather not risk…” My lungs seize at the thought of being trapped inside, and I’m back underwater, fighting for breath. Dropping to my knees, I cradle my head in my hands.

She lowers herself to my side and squeezes my shoulder. “You’re safe here, Elisha. Everything at eye level purposely appears abandoned in case someone ventures this deep into the forest.”

“Does that happen often?” I gasp for air. Am I always going to have these freak-outs?