“In a roundabout way. And you know how worried you’ve been that he’d hurt me? Well, it turns out I’m the one who did the damage. I said yes, because we get on so well and I didn’t want to be lonely. Then I realized even though I can’t have kids, we still want very different things. I hate that I’ve hurt him.”

“Does Hil know?”

“I doubt it. And please don’t say anything. I’d hate for the gossips to catch hold of it.”

“And it’s just the sort of thing they’d latch on to now Jess is dead and there’s nothing left to say.” Karen hugged her. “I’m sorry for Dan’s heartache, but if he doesn’t make you happy, darling, then you’ve done the right thing.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“You and your father are right. I’ve wasted far too much energy worrying about you when you know exactly what you want and need.”

Alice laughed. “That might be overselling it just a tad.”

“I don’t think so.” Karen kissed her. “I have to go. I’m on setup duty for the U3A Christmas lunch.”

They headed off in different directions and Alice slowed at the mural, held up by a group of Japanese tourists taking photos. She got a jolt of pride watching them and her heart turned over at the sight of a little black-haired child squatting down and patting the swan.

Oh God! The swan! With everything that had happened with Dan and then Jess, it was more than a week since she’d promised to pay Holly. Harry had sent a brief email a few days earlier, telling her Holly was at school camp so there was no need for tutoring. Alice had been too busy to reply, not to mention piqued that he hadn’t asked her how things were going.

He always asked her how she was—his question matched by his intense green eyes seeking answers beyond her words. Of course, when he’d sent the email, he might not have known Jess had died, but he certainly knew she’d been deteriorating. Then again, perhaps Jess’s situation brought back difficult memories of Helene so he couldn’t ask. And it wasn’t like he knew Jess, so there’d been no reason for him to write to her expressing his condolences.

But he knows me! She shrugged away the feeling that was part annoyance, part disappointment, part hurt and part something so intangible she had no hope of explaining it.

“This is ridiculous.”

A couple of tourists turned around, giving her a confused look before bowing politely. Alice bowed back, embarrassed she’d been caught talking to herself in public. She crossed the road, walked to the ATM, withdrew Holly’s money and drove to the Waxmans’.