Except now, Libby wasn’t so sure. Were the deprivations Linda had inflicted on her daughter more than just a lack of food and money? Libby had applauded Jess for being a rebel and for not putting up with crap from anyone, but had she misunderstood completely? Was it really lack of conformity or more the lack of a role model? Was it growing up without a clear understanding of what was acceptable behavior inside a friendship, or any relationship for that matter? Was this why Jess had stuck to their juvenile rules?

The entangled wreckage gutted Libby. “You really believe you’ve been a good friend to me, don’t you?”

“I’ve been the best version of myself with you.”

Libby wanted to yell, “But that’s nowhere near good enough!” but the futility of saying it crushed her.

For years, she’d embraced their differences, loving what they offered each other. She’d often said they were two halves of a whole and that was why they were such good friends—they complemented each other. Their strengths fused them together into a tight circle and they didn’t need anyone else. Not once had she conceived that Jess could hurt her. Best friends never did that to each other.

Best friends.

The thought barreled into Libby like a runaway truck, bringing with it flashes of memories, like the BFF they’d carved into wet cement when they were thirty. Thirty, for heaven’s sake! The many, many times she’d put Jess ahead of Alice and Nick, because Jess made her feel like she was on top of her life and kicking goals. Libby winced as the truth rained over her. God, she was blaming Jess for being juvenile and yet she’d believed every inspirational quote about best friends. She’d mythologized their friendship, not Jess. They’d both demanded and expected unconditional love from the other, only her idealism of the perfect friendship and her need for rules and boundaries had run headlong into Jess’s pragmatism and survival instincts. The differences she’d embraced were also the reason they were in this nightmare. They were best friends who loved the same man. Jess had survived the only way she knew how.

Jess grabbed the bed bar and struggled to pull herself up. “I won’t ever apologize for Leo. He’s my gift. The only part of Nick I got to share. But I regret what it’s done to us. I’m sorry for that.”

The unexpected apology disarmed her. “I loved you.”

“I know. I love you too.”

If you love me, how could you do what you did? “I thought we had the perfect friendship.”