In hindsight, Andy was never sure why he said the exact phrase he did. Obviously, the camera had played a large part in it, recording his reaction for all eternity. But it hadn’t been planned or contrived. It wasn’t like Andy had tried to come up with something funny or smart or clever as he made his way up the slope; it had just come out.

As had the Italian accent.

On seeing the ruins of the ancient temple, Assistant Professor of Anthropology Andy Depree smiled and said, “Now that’s a spicy meatball!”

≈

“You’re not mentally challenged, are you?” Darnell said. “Because my answer is going to change if you’re mentally challenged.”

Andy said, “To my knowledge, I am not mentally challenged.”

“Okay, good. I just wanted to make sure.”

After spending several minutes at the top of the temple ruins—one of those minutes so awkward Andy thought he might snap in half—Andy descended the earthen pyramid and took up a spot next to Darnell.

“And if I’m not mistaken,” Darnell said, “you are a college professor?”

“That’s correct.”

“An anthropology professor, to be exact?”

“Again, correct.”

“And as a professor of anthropology, you would supposedly know more than your average person about an ancient temple?”

“One would think.”

“Okay, so you get to the top of that hill, see these ancient ruins, and then— Remind me what you said again.”

Andy cleared his throat. “Now that’s a spicy meatball.”

“Like that. You said it like that?”

“No, I said it with an Italian accent—Now that’s a spicy meatball.”

“And judging by the paleness of your skin and your orange hair, I’m going to go out on a limb and say you aren’t Italian.”

“I am not.”

“Hmmm,” Darnell said, touching a finger to the bottom of his chin. “Then, to answer your question, yes, that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard someone say.”

Andy dropped his head and looked down at his muddy boots and snake gaiters.

It was bad enough he’d cast himself as Jungle Weenie within the first few hours of the expedition. But now he’d cast himself as Jungle Idiot within the first five minutes of finding actual ruins.

Andy said, “Do you think I could get fired over this?”

“Like from the expedition? Or like from your job as a professor?” Darnell didn’t wait for a reply. “Because that helicopter isn’t coming back for another nine days, so I think you’re stuck here. As for your real job, yes, I think you’ll be fired.” He quickly clapped Andy on the shoulder and said, “I’m just kidding.”