And around it, for quite some distance, the air was cold.

*

In the library, the boys read on. Silence surrounded them. The Assistant Information Officers grew worried, and one of them went to find the cleaning fluid and the bent paperclip for getting chocolate out of keyboards.

‘Let’s face it,’ said Wobbler, eventually, ‘this is a town where famous people don’t come from. It’s famous for it.’

‘It says here,’ said Yo-less, from his viewer, ‘that Addison Vincent Fletcher of Alma Terrace invented a form of telephone in nineteen twenty-two.’

‘Oh, great,’ said Wobbler. ‘Telephones had been invented years before that.’

‘It says he said this one was better.’

‘Oh, yes,’ said Wobbler. He dialled an imaginary number. ‘Hello, is that— Who invented the real telephone, anyone?’

‘Thomas Eddison,’ said Yo-less.

‘Sir Humphrey Telephone,’ said Bigmac.

‘Alexander Graham Bell,’ said Johnny. ‘Sir Humphrey Telephone?’

‘Hello, Mr Bell,’ said Wobbler, speaking into an imaginary mouthpiece, ‘You know that telephone you invented years ago? Well, mine’s better. And I’m just off to discover America. Yes, I know Christopher Columbus discovered it first, but I’m discovering it better.’

‘It makes sense,’ said Bigmac. ‘If you’re going to discover somewhere, you might as well wait until there’s proper hotels and stuff.’

‘When did Columbus discover America, anyway?’ said Wobbler.

‘Fourteen ninety-two,’ said Johnny. ‘There’s a rhyme: In fourteen hundred and ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.’

Wobbler and Bigmac looked at him.

‘Actually, he could have got there in fourteen ninety-one,’ said Yo-less, without looking up, ‘but he had to sail around a bit because no one could think up a rhyme for “one”.’

‘It could have been Sir Humphrey Telephone,’ said Bigmac. ‘Stuff gets named after inventors.’

‘They didn’t name the telephone after Bell,’ said Wobbler.

‘They named the bell after Bell, though,’ said Bigmac. ‘Telephone bells. Proves my point.’

‘Telephones haven’t had bells on for years,’ said Wobbler.

‘That,’ said Yo-less, ‘is due to the famous invention by Fred Buzzer.’

‘I think it’s impossible for anyone famous to come from here,’ said Wobbler, ‘because everyone around here is mental.’

‘Got one,’ said Bigmac, turning the microfiche knob.

‘Who? Which one?’

‘The footballer. Stanley “Wrong Way” Roundway. He played for Blackbury Wanderers. There’s his obituary here. Amost half a page.’

‘Any good?’

‘Says he scored a record number of goals.’

‘Sounds good,’ said Wobbler.

‘Own goals.’

‘What?’

‘Greatest number of own goals in the history of any sport, it says. It says he kept getting overexcited and losing his sense of direction.’

‘Oh.’

‘But he was a good footballer, it says. Apart from that. Not exactly a Hall of Fame, though—’

‘Here, look at this,’ said Yo-less.

They clustered around his viewer. He’d found an ancient group photograph of about thirty soldiers, all beaming at the camera.

‘Well?’ said Wobbler.

‘This is from nineteen sixteen,’ said Yo-less. ‘They’re all going off to war.’

‘Which one?’ said Wobbler.

‘The first one, you nerd. World War One.’

‘I always wondered why they numbered it,’ said Bigmac. ‘Like they expected to have a few more. You know. Like Buy Two, Get One Free.’