“You know, honey, the time your parents caught you masturbating to cartoons with that—what’s it called?—that Dizzy Doodler.”

David spit out his laugh. “What is a Dizzy Doodler?” he asked.

“It’s one of those,” Randy continued, “vibrating pens for children. They draw curlicues, and they’re powered by a little motor. Megan used to masturbate with her Dizzy Doodler every Saturday morning while she watched cartoons. Even after she lost the protective cap for the motor in the couch cushions, she kept going. She just had to be more careful when she used it, isn’t that what you told me? Didn’t you say that one morning you caught an arm of the motor in your underpants and were worried you would some day really injure yourself?”

David was cracking up, and Randy was looking at Megan spitefully.

“He’s kidding,” said Megan to David.

David waved his hand at Megan and said, “Sure, sure.”

“I didn’t do that,” said Megan.

“One day she got busted and she gave her parents a long-winded speech about how she was addicted to the Dizzy Doodler,” said Randy.

“Ok, that’s enough,” said Megan. “It’s not true.”

“And how she wanted them to ‘throw it away!’” Randy mimed a child’s voice. “‘just throw it away! And don’t tell me which trash can you use!’”

David was in stitches.

“All right, ha-ha, very funny, Randy, very funny,” said Megan.

David wiped the tears from his eyes and reached for another beer. “I had a dog once,” he said, “who used to lick his penis for hours on end. We were all sure he was masturbating.”

“Lovely,” said Megan.

In bed, Megan said, “I can’t believe you told David about the Dizzy Doodler.”

“Oh, he didn’t believe me.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“Come on, I was just teasing.”

“That’s not the point.”

SIX

Saturday morning came fast. Friday was never a night for events, because Jillian was always so beat. She woke up early and knew that if everything went well today, if she did a good job, things would keep going the way they were going. You know, with Elena helping out and everything.

Jillian made herself a Starbucks by putting coffee, ice, milk, and chocolate syrup in the blender. As the lukewarm, diluted coffee filled her mouth, she thought, how do they do it? She stood there for a full minute in the kitchen, in a trance, with the slippery cup in her hand, before she remembered she was in a hurry. That was the reason she’d made the Starbucks in the first place. Economy of time.

When Adam was dressed and she was dressed, Jillian said, “You wait here, Adam.” She took Crispy outside for a second. The dog would not pee, just would not pee at first. Jillian looked at her cell phone to show her frustration, but the dog just would not pee.

“Pee!” said Jillian.