“Oh.”

Megan opened her third beer and flipped open the top of her box of cigarettes. She rolled the cigarette around between her fingers before lighting it. She thought it might be soothing. A girl walked up to them and punched Megan’s new boyfriend in the arm.

“Hey, James, what’s up, man?” said the girl.

She seemed like a happy young person. They ought to just, you know, go to the other side of the living room together, this girl and James.

“Oh, I got you one of those road kill pelts I was telling you about,” said the new girl. “They’re actually a lot more beautiful and a lot less gross than I thought they’d be.”

Oh my god, everyone in this world is just way too interested in things, thought Megan.

“Hey, do you want to sit here?” Megan asked.

“You don’t mind?”

The girl asked this as if Megan had just done her a great kindness.

“Oh, um, no. Not at all. Just let me get my bag,” said Megan.

“Hey, Megan, do you know Sarah?” asked James.

“No, I don’t think we’ve met,” said Megan, holding out her hand.

Sarah shook it.

“I’ve seen you a lot though,” said Sarah.

“Yeah, well, that’s natural,” said Megan. “Bye, guys.”

A tiny-feeling hand pinched Megan’s elbow.

It was Amanda!

“Hey, Megan,” said Amanda.

“Hey, you want to go outside with me?” Megan asked. “I was just going to smoke.”

“Oh, I think you can smoke inside,” said Amanda.

“Yeah,” said Megan. “I know. But I want to go outside.”

“Oh, um,” said Amanda. She looked around and then said, “Ok, sure.”

“Ppphhhbbbffff,” said Megan, leaning against the back porch railing. “What the fuck.”

“What?” said Amanda.

“Eh, nothing. I feel weird today.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?” asked Megan.

“Oh, I mean, it’s sympathy, not an apology.”

“I know,” said Megan, lighting a cigarette.

She offered one to Amanda, who waved her hand “No” at it.

“If I don’t quit smoking, I’m going to kill myself,” said Megan.

“Are they starting to take their toll?”

“No, I mean I’m going to deliberately commit suicide if I can’t do something as simple as not slowly poisoning myself.”

“Eh, you’re young. The right time to quit will present itself,” said Amanda.

“Do you really believe that? Do you really think there’ll be some day when I feel capable enough to resist the nicotine addiction? And be able to unburden myself of the glamorous and romantic associations I have with smoking? You really think that’s going to happen?”

“Well, yeah. All things we do but don’t completely like are phases. Sometimes they’re long-standing phases, but, I mean, they’re phases. I remember wetting the bed until first grade and just really wondering when it would stop, and feeling the same way you do when my parents told me I’d grow out of it. I really thought it would never stop.”

“What, are you a serial killer or something?”

“No. What kind of a thing is that to say?”