Kate smiled.

‘Yeah, then we’d have had half a bite each of whatever gone-off thing it was,’ said Lana. ‘Great.’

‘’Ave you finished?’ said Soldier John.

‘Yes,’ said Old Albert. ‘Shall I just chuck the bodies over the side?’

‘NO!’ shouted everybody.

‘What else is there?’ said Soldier John.

‘There’s more cushions and carpet. There’s five lifejackets, some empty bottles and cans, some toilet roll—’ He was interrupted by loud whoops from the crowd. ‘Some string, some books . . .’

There was a sigh from a number of the people on board. Staring Crone clasped her hands to her chest in joy.

‘Which books?’ shouted somebody.

Old Albert gave a shrug. ‘Books. And six spoons, a bottle opener, a tin opener, six forks and six knives.’

‘Knives?’ Soldier John interrupted. ‘’ow sharp?’

‘Just the normal eating sort. Not for slicing things.’

‘What else?’

‘Ar . . . that’s it.’

Lana rolled her eyes. ‘He is so repellent.’

‘Mwa, mwa, mwa!’ James put his arms out as though he was going to kiss her.

‘James, stop. It’s not funny,’ said Lana.

‘It is. Imagine his tongue in your mouth. And seriously, who was it who was actually having real sex with him?’ We all recoiled in horror while James laughed.

Old Albert was starting to unload the boat now, and people were surging forward to help. I suspected the cushion covers would be the main attraction, as the jelly surface of the creature was already soft enough for sitting on. But new cloth? For clothes? That’d be something we didn’t have.

‘What’re the bodies like, Albert?’ said Soldier John.

‘Dead.’

‘But ’ow decayed? Right down to the bones?’

‘. . . no . . .’ Albert’s reply was delayed. He didn’t look happy about going back to examine the bodies more closely. Especially now that most of the people on board were dividing up the materials, and were no longer watching him. ‘The meat is all shrivelled up and dried out. It’s still on the bones.’

‘The flesh?’

‘Aye.’

‘If we take off their clothes, will the bodies fall apart?’

‘Maybe. Maybe not.’

‘Do not remove their clothes, then.’

It didn’t take long to divide up the objects that had been in the hold. Anything sharp would be kept in the Big House, probably for gutting fish, and the people who needed a new addition to their wardrobe were obvious. Some were already wearing their ‘cushion cover jumpers’, or were busy ripping seams apart to create head and arm holes.

‘Throw one of the bodies over the side,’ said Soldier John. ‘As far past the tentacles as you can, but where we can watch what happens.’