‘Oh, erm, that’s not quite what I had in mind,’ said James. ‘I don’t mind the girls, but I’m not sure about the others.’

‘But if we’re going to repopulate the planet, don’t we need to involve as many people as possible?’ I pointed out. ‘Stinky! Dr Jones!’ I called.

‘Yeeessss,’ James said. ‘But I’m not sure . . .’

‘Look,’ I said, thinking it was time to get to the point. ‘Does your plan for repopulating the planet involve taking off any of my clothes? Because if it does, there’s no way that’s happening. It’s much too cold.’

He looked at my threadbare jeans for a few moments and I could see him working out the possibilities. ‘Noooo,’ he said, slowly.

By this point, almost everybody had gathered around us.

‘Martha, I’m offering you the opportunity to have my children,’ said James, styling it out. ‘We could get started right now if you want?’

‘Sadly I’m going to have to turn down your offer, James. I’ve got too much to do today.’

Old Albert coughed in his gravelly, phlegmy way. ‘It probably wouldn’t take him very long,’ he muttered.

‘Fine, then. Your loss. Lana, will you have my children?’ called James.

‘Get stuffed, dickhead,’ said Lana.

‘No need to overreact. You were only my third choice anyway,’

‘Good. I wish I was your last choice.’

‘It’s a short list, Lana, but I’ll add your name to the bottom of it, if that’s what you want.’ He smiled triumphantly as Lana made retching noises.

‘Hang on,’ I said. ‘Does that mean I was your second choice?’

James shrugged nonchalantly. ‘There’re a lot of hot babes on board.’

‘WHO?’ I said, genuinely outraged.

‘Well, you know . . .’ he said, gesturing vaguely.