He held up a wooden plank. I hoped it wasn’t one taken from the Big House, because I found it difficult to sleep when it’s really draughty. ‘You want to bash your plank ’ere.’ Soldier John tapped it against Dr Jones’s head. ‘Or ’ere.’ He tapped her lower back. ‘This is where there are gaps in the shell for the food to go in, and for the shit to come out. Use those gaps to lever in your weapons. Or if you can’t get either of those areas, just make sure you give a good bash somewhere so that you knock the enemy over. Their shell is softer underneath. The easiest way to kill ’em, if there is more than one, is by planning. Plan to kill ’em, think about killing ’em, and practise killing ’em. There’s still petrol in most of those useless cars out there.’ He gestured vaguely towards land, but it was dark and we were in the Big House anyway, so we couldn’t see where he was pointing. ‘Get the petrol out and spray it on the fuggers, then set them alight with a match. They burn well. Really well.’

James put his hand up again. ‘How do we spray the petrol on them?’

‘’Owever you want,’ said Soldier John. ‘So long as you do it quickly. Any more questions?’

Kate put up her hand.

‘Yes?’ said Soldier John.

‘Do we have to kill them? Can’t we just put them all in a zoo or something?’

‘No. You need to kill the fuggers, and you have to kill them hard. Next question.’

‘Oh,’ said Kate. ‘OK.’ She gave a sniff and started chewing on her thumbnail.

‘Ah, John, if I can just interrupt here,’ said Dr Jones, stepping forward. ‘Kate, love, it’s really dangerous out there. Maybe, in the future, we might be able to just treat them as tricky wild animals, like lions or something. But there are too many of them. They have killed most of the people in the world – or at least we think they have. We just don’t have the facilities or knowledge to keep them as . . . pets. Think back to when we studied the food chain. In the past, we used to be at the top of that – but now, well, we’re not. Kriks are on a higher trophic level than us. We have to kill them, or they will eat us.’

There was a pause while the others in the room thought about it.

‘I wouldn’t mind eating one of them. I’m happy to help humanity,’ said James. ‘And if I did, wouldn’t it mean that humans would be on a higher trophic level than kriks again? Ooo, and do you think they’d taste a bit like crabs?’

‘Errmmm . . .’ said Dr Jones.

‘Dr Jones?’ I stuck up my hand. ‘Dr Jones, are they basically just giant crabs?’

‘They’re certainly crustaceans,’ said Dr Jones.