So I was happily sitting on that cold jelly surface the next morning, thinking away to myself about escaping, as usual, when James interrupted – also as usual. ‘Hey, hey, hey!’ he shouted. ‘All rise for Jellyfish Rugby!’ He was standing by the Big House, and throwing the rugby ball from one hand to the other. ‘If anybody wants to get changed into their gym kit, they’ve got two minutes to do it.’

A couple of people went into the Big House, because it’s important to keep up standards. I would have gone, but I got changed before sports yesterday and I never really get that sweaty anyway. Mostly you’re just standing around trying to avoid getting pushed into the sea, so there’s not that much of a workout. Plus, you’re just changing your own set of rags for a plastic bag with tastefully ripped head- and arm-holes. It’s not like we actually have gym kit.

‘Ball inspection,’ said Soldier John loudly. He strode over to James and held out his hands for the ball.

‘Bollocks,’ said James. ‘It’s fine.’

‘Let me check whether it’s fine,’ said Soldier John even more loudly. To be fair, he never speaks quietly, so he wasn’t being particularly threatening.

‘It is,’ said James, holding to his chest the bundle of plastic bottles we hilariously call a ball. ‘Don’t worry about it.’

‘I’ll tell you if it’s fine,’ said Soldier John. ‘Don’t make me force you to give it to me, boy.’

‘Are you really going to hit me over a rugby ball?’

‘I didn’t say I was going to ’it you,’ said Soldier John. ‘Why, do you think you deserve a slap?’

I was going to answer that one, but Lana got there first. ‘Yes,’ she called. ‘He does.’

A few other people were starting to look suspicious now, and started making their way towards James in a determined fashion. There were hands on hips and furrowed brows.

‘If it’s that important to you, then of course you can look at the ball,’ said James, throwing it at Soldier John crossly.

Soldier John didn’t reply. He held the ball up, inspecting it from underneath and looking in closely at the bags that were holding it together. He squeezed it a couple of times, and then turned it over slowly. He shook it with a knowledgeable air. With a very serious expression, he turned to the other suspicious people and held it out to them. There were a few prods and squeezes, and a few glum shakes of heads. Almost nobody made eye contact with each other, which is important, because you don’t want to be on the same side as somebody about being suspicious, and then find out that you’re playing rugby against them the next minute. That’s really awkward.