Chapters (38)
- one
- two
- three
- four
- five
- six
- seven
- eight
- nine
- ten
- eleven
- twelve
- thirteen
- fourteen
- fifteen
- sixteen
- seventeen
- eighteen
- nineteen
- twenty
- twenty-one
- twenty-two
- twenty-three
- twenty-four
- twenty-five
- twenty-six
- twenty-seven
- twenty-eight
- twenty-nine
- thirty
- thirty-one
- thirty-two
- thirty-three
- thirty-four
- thirty-five
- thirty-six
- thirty-seven
- epilogue
The drive to Birmingham gave me lots of time to think. I was very nervous about Mr. Sobel’s news and the impact it would have on my life. The worst part would be having no one to share it with.
My mother, Jocelyn Edwards, had a passionate affair with whiskey and bars. She never met a pill she didn’t adore, either. Her greatest talent was for disappearing; it approached genius level. I have almost no memories of her and the ones that remain hurt. I try to keep them locked away.
I’m five. Someone is banging on the door very hard. Mama is asleep in her room and I am not supposed to wake her up. I pick up Mrs. Noodle, my only doll, and carry her to the door. I stand there very quietly. “Open up, Joss!” a man yells. I go to Mama’s bed and shake her arm. “Go away, Ronni,” she mumbles. “I’ll get you something to eat later.” She rolls over and starts to snore. The door sounds like thunder now, and I’m afraid it will break.
I go back to Mama and shake her again. This time, she grabs me and throws me toward the wall. I start to cry and hug Mrs. Noodle. “Please, Mama. The man is yelling.”
This seems to wake her up. “What man?” She rubs her eyes and jumps up to put pants on. She doesn’t have a shirt, but I’m afraid to tell her. She goes to open the door and the man walks in. “Where is it?” he asks.
“I don’t have anything, Mose,” she tells the man.
“I’ll tear this place apart, Joss. You know I will.”
I hide in the closet behind some boxes. The man is throwing things all over our apartment and screaming. He is going to kill my mother, so I put Mrs. Noodle behind the boxes and walk out to save her.
“What the hell?” The man yells. “You have a fucking kid? You lying bitch.” He slaps Mama hard and she falls on the floor and looks down. She puts her hands over her chest.
“Ronni, I have to go somewhere,” Mama says. She runs her fingers through her hair and smiles at the man, flashing her teeth. She tells the man, “I’ll be right back.”
The man looks at me like I am a bug or snake. He pulls a cigarette from behind his ear and lights it, squinching up his eyes. “What’s your name?” He blows a cloud of smoke at me.
“Ronni.” I go to Mama’s room to help her but she already has her shirt on.
“When will you be back??” I ask. “I’m hungry, Mama.”
“You and Mrs. Noodle stay in my room and don’t open the door, Ronni. I’ll bring you a burger or something.”