Back Invented Lives
Chapters (22)
  1. About the Author
  2. Title Page
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. 1 DEATH AND RECKLESS BEHAVIOUR IN LENINGRAD
  6. 2 IN TRANSIT
  7. 3 THE RIGHT JOB FOR A SHY MAN
  8. 4 PROSPECTING FOR HOME
  9. 5 UNSTUCK BUT NOT UNDONE
  10. 6 LIFE AND DEATH IN THE SOVIET UNION
  11. 7 LANDMARKS OF A LIFE
  12. 8 A GOOD MARRIAGE
  13. 9 OLD SOVIET, NEW AUSTRALIAN
  14. 10 OWLS OF THE DESERT
  15. 11 UNCHARTED WATERS
  16. 12 LIFE’S RAFFLE
  17. 13 MANIFEST DESTINIES
  18. 14 LOVE AND OBLIGATIONS
  19. 15 CLANDESTINE MOMENTS
  20. 16 YOU MUST CHANGE YOUR LIFE
  21. 17 UNDER THE AUSTRALIAN SUN
  22. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Mikhail does not return. Neither does Vera nor Yuri. It’s just Marya and Lidiya alone in the rooms at the kommunalka. Later, Lidiya will discover that her father was shot within days of his arrest. Her mother takes longer to die in the freezing plains of a Siberian labour camp. The official cause of her death is tuberculosis. It is more acceptable than exposure and starvation.

Four months after both parents are taken, nine packages addressed to Yuri in Vera’s handwriting are delivered to the kommunalka. These are the parcels left by Vera at the Big House to be passed on to her husband; the fresh food has been removed, and each parcel neatly resealed. The return of the parcels is code that Yuri is dead. The sick irony of this occurs to Lidiya only when she is older: that here is a regime which commits murder as frequently and as inconsequentially as an eye-blink, but could never be accused of petty theft.

In these days of terror, it is common to see grandmothers caring for young children. These poor mites suffering the loss of their parents are now forced to hide their grief, for the taint of parents condemned as enemies of the people flows through to the children. Marya instructs Lidiya that if asked about Vera and Yuri, she is to say they are away, doing important work for the Soviet republics. Lidiya has to appear happy, she must behave as if the parents she loves have not disappeared, she must stifle her great sorrow.

There come to be two epochs for Lidiya: the time before her parents are taken and the time after. In the new era, her parents are gone, her brother is gone, food shrinks to kasha and cabbage, clothes are patched, and shoes are improvised. And who does she blame? She blames Stalin, ‘the best friend to all children’, and she will never forgive him.

There is no hope. Forced to live her life in the negative, Lidiya nonetheless attends school, she does her lessons, she plays with her classmates. She does exactly what is expected of her as if nothing has changed, as if her days are not scarred by loss.

‘We have to be careful,’ Marya says, as she cuddles the child in her ancient arms and promises never to leave her.

And although Lidiya wants her mother, wants her so badly that her whole body hurts, she knows she has to be brave, she has to be grown up.

It has been decided.