“You’re not going to talk me out of it.”

He laughed and shook his head. “You wouldn’t survive. You’d be begging me to leave in a week.”

“Bullshit, Omar. I can handle it.”

“You can handle insects, and heat, and floods? Me being gone on hunts for days and days?”

I folded my arms hard over my chest. “Why don’t you think I can hack this? You think I can’t learn new things, I’m soft or something? You think I’ve never had to fight for my life?”

He couldn’t suppress a warm little smile. “Tell me about that.”

“This girl in a group home I was living in. She hated me, no idea why, still don’t know. She was in some kind of gang. I woke up one morning and she’d hacked off most of my hair while I was sleeping. She said, ‘Meet me outside tonight, six o’clock, all my girls will be there to beat the shit out of you.’ ”

“What’d you do?”

“I showed up.”

“Did you have your switchblade?”

It was my turn to pace. “Yes. But in the end I just used my fists. They made me fight this big girl, not the one who’d cut my hair. This one was twice my size, a monster. The rest of them stood back. Made bets. Cheered her on.”

“What happened?”

“She wasn’t as angry as I was. And no way was she as scared. She was just big. Slow.” Could never forget the look of surprise on her face as I jammed my knee in her back, her cheek grinding into the gravel. “My foster brothers showed me a bunch of tricks, because I was so small.”

“You’re very brave.”

“Maybe I’m just stupid.” I huffed back to my seat and plopped down, miserable in my stew of love and desperation. “Begging to go fight jaguars with you.”

“I love you, Lily. That’s why I’m telling you how hard it is.”

We were both quiet a moment, his declaration of love seeping into me like syrup into a cake.

“What the fuck, Omar?” I said more softly now. “What about learning English? What about being a guide? Don’t you want that anymore?”

“Course I do. But I want you safe and happy more.”

“I’m safe and happy with you. Only with you.”

He put the bottle down and rubbed his eyes. “You’d go to the jungle with some grease jockey you’ve known for two months?”

I nodded. “You love the jungle. Every day you tell me that. You want to try to save it. Why can’t I be a part of where you love, if you love me?”

He stared at me for several seconds, as if seeing me clearly for the first time. His face softened. “Will you take the time to learn about my home? Will you be patient? It’s hard physical work, lots of cooking and hauling water and working in the fields.”

“Please. You know the hours I put in at the Versailles. I’ve had a job since I was twelve.”