But the Witnesses weren’t Beru’s biggest worry. Since she’d taken off the Godfire collar, the dark fog of the god’s mind had taken up residence in her. She hardly ate anymore. She didn’t sleep. Even when the god was silent, even when she didn’t hear its voice, she felt it. Felt it struggling against Pallas’s seal. Felt its impatience. Its disdain.

“You really shouldn’t give your hand away like that,” Illya commented from behind them.

Beru had seen him watching their card games, like he wanted to join them, but he usually didn’t dare approach.

“Why don’t you play if you’re so good?” Ephyra challenged.

Illya opened his mouth to reply, but before he could say anything Anton set down his cards and got to his feet.

“I’m going to find Jude,” Anton said, and then walked away.

Hurt flashed across Illya’s face.

“I had a bad hand anyway,” Ephyra said, tossing hers into the center.

“I was finally going to beat him,” Hassan muttered, putting down his as well.

They both wandered off, leaving Beru to clean up the cards.

Illya flopped to the ground beside her. “He really hates me, huh?” he said after a moment. “Even after I—It’s like he doesn’t notice, or care, that I’m trying to…” He trailed off, staring at Beru almost beseechingly. “… do better.”

The words conjured a memory for Beru. When she’d been desperate to gain Hector’s forgiveness, to sacrifice herself so that he would live, like a debt owed for everything she’d taken from him. Looking back at that time, she barely recognized herself. Where had that desperation come from? Why had she wanted to save Hector so badly? She couldn’t make sense of it.

“He’s my brother,” Illya went on. “I have to—I have to try to make amends, right?”

He was genuinely asking her, and Beru had no idea what to say. Illya seemed to want her to say yes.

He let out a wry laugh. “I never used to think about it before. Never used to worry if I was a good person or not. I couldn’t afford it. But now I know I’m not and I—Why should I care? Why should it matter?”

IT DOESN’T.

“It doesn’t,” Beru said automatically.

Illya raised his eyebrows at her. “That’s not what I expected you to say.”

She snapped her mouth shut, horrified. “I … I don’t know why I said that. Of course it matters.”

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GOOD AND BAD, LITTLE ONE, the god said. THESE ARE HUMAN INVENTIONS. LIKE LOVE. THINGS THAT HUMANS TELL THEMSELVES ARE REAL. I DID NOT MAKE HUMANS TO BE “GOOD” OR “BAD.” I MADE THEM TO CARRY OUT MY WILL.

“Shut up,” Beru hissed. Only after she’d said the words did she realize she’d spoken them aloud.