Michael thought that was something he’d also like to do.

Drawing in a breath of fresh air, he looked at the litter of four puppies playing in a pen. Delores claimed they were a giant schnauzer–Doberman mix. Michael only cared that Joshua was in the middle of them, laughing nonstop. He wished he could hear, just so he could hear his brother laugh.

“No, I don’t need to pet the puppies. I’m good watching Joshua.”

Coach just nodded and the two of them stood there together. Michael felt quiet inside his mind for the first time he could remember. And in the quiet, his brain was screaming that he’d fucked up.

“Joshua won’t trust me anymore,” Michael signed.

Coach touched his shoulder, then tipped his chin up, forcing Michael to meet his gentle gaze. “You didn’t break anything between you and Joshua that can’t be fixed,” he signed back. “Tell him you’re sorry, then let him decide when he’s ready to trust you again. He worships you. You can fix this.”

“I pushed him.” Michael couldn’t believe he’d done that. “I always promised myself that I’d never hurt him, that I’d never be like them.”

“Your mom and stepfather?” Coach asked and Michael nodded. Coach bent down until they were eye to eye. “You are nothing like them. Were they ever sorry when they hit you?”

“No. My mom would apologize sometimes, but only when the social workers came and threatened to take me away. But I am sorry. God, how could I do that?”

“Because you’re human. I told you that I bullied kids when I was in school. I’m not proud of that. I’ve contacted a lot of them to apologize, to make amends.” He finger-spelled the word. “You can, too. But now you know what you’re capable of doing. You have to work to control your anger so that it doesn’t push you to use your strength against someone else. That’s what a real man does.”

Coach would know, Michael thought. “I told Meredith what happened to me,” he blurted out, signing it fast before he could change his mind.

“I’m glad,” Coach said simply. “You can always come to me, too, whenever you need to talk.” Then he pointed at Joshua, who held a squirming puppy on his lap, giggling every time the little dog licked his face. “What do you want to bet that we take that puppy to Dani’s once it’s safe for you to go home with her?”

Michael smiled, relieved that he still could. “That’s a sucker bet, Coach.”

Coach grinned. “I agree.” He gave Michael a tiny nudge toward his brother. “Go. Talk to him. You’ll feel better and so will he.”

I hope so. His stomach hurting with nerves and shame, Michael approached Joshua, kneeling outside the pen. “He’s cute.”