“No one wants to hear criticism about alternative medicine, at least none of the people who use it, and there are a lot of people who use it. The only way I might influence their opinion is by having lots and lots of cases, which I’m not going to be able to find. I’m sure there are hundreds of cases locked up inside the OCME records, but there’s no way to get at them. I’m kind of spinning my wheels. The biggest problem is that the crusade is not keeping me from obsessing about you-know-who.”

“I guess I can understand, but it sounded like such a good idea when you told me about it Monday night. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault.”

“I know, but I’m still sorry. I know you need a diversion. I could use one myself.”

Jack winced at Laurie’s comment, exacerbating his omnipresent guilt of not sharing the burden of JJ’s illness. “I can well imagine you could use one,” he said. “Do you want to rethink the nurse idea so you could come back to work, maybe on a half-time basis?”

“Absolutely not!” Laurie said with an edge to her voice. “I didn’t mention the issue to bring it up for discussion.”

“Okay, okay,” Jack repeated, getting the message loud and clear.

“Anyone say anything about JJ since you spoke to Bingham and Calvin yesterday?”

“No one except Bingham himself.”

“That’s good. Maybe they’ll honor their word and respect our privacy.”

Jack walked over to the playpen and looked down at his son. He longed to bend down and pick him up and hold him against his chest to feel his heart beat, to feel his warmth and smell his sweet smell, but he didn’t dare.

There was also a more practical reason he was reluctant to pick him up—because he’d probably start to cry. Jack thought JJ’s extensive bone tumors caused him tremendous pain, which seemed to be aggravated when he was picked up.

“He’s been a real soldier today,” Laurie said, watching Jack observe the baby. “I hope this is the start of a new trend, because this has been a tough week.”

“Should I try to pick him up?” Jack asked, melting as he saw JJ smile up at him.

“Well . . .” Laurie debated. “It might be best to just let him be while he’s so quiet.”

“That’s what I was afraid of,” Jack said, relieved.

Guiltily, Jack turned away from JJ. He stepped behind Laurie and massaged her shoulders. She closed her eyes and leaned back against Jack’s hands.

“I’ll give you a half-hour to stop that,” she purred.

“You deserve it. I’m continually amazed at your patience with JJ. And thankful, too. I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but I don’t think I could do it.”