(Unctuously, to HORNBECK)

You’re a stranger, aren’t you, mister? Want a nice clean place to stay?

HORNBECK

I had a nice clean place to stay, madame, And I left it to come here.

MRS. KREBS

(Undaunted)

You’re gonna need a room.

HORNBECK

I have a reservation at the Mansion House.

MRS. KREBS

Oh? (She sniffs) That’s all right, I suppose, for them as likes havin’ a privy practically in the bedroom!

HORNBECK

The unplumbed and plumbing-less depths!

Ahhhh, Hillsboro—Heavenly Hillsboro.

The buckle on the Bible Belt.

(The HAWKER and ELIJAH converge on HORNBECK from opposite sides.)

HAWKER

Hot dog?

ELIJAH

Bible?

(HORNBECK up-ends his suitcase and sits on it.)

HORNBECK

Now that poses a pretty problem!

Which is hungrier—my stomach or my soul?

(HORNBECK buys a hot dog.)

ELIJAH

(Miffed)

Are you an Evolutionist? An infidel? A sinner?

HORNBECK

(Munching the hog dog)

The worst kind. I write for a newspaper.

(HORNBECK offers his hand)

I’m E. K. Hornbeck, Baltimore Herald.

I don’t believe I caught your name…?

ELIJAH

(Impressively)

They call me…Elijah.

HORNBECK

(Pleased)

Elijah! Yes! Why, I had no idea you were still around.

I’ve read some of your stuff.

ELIJAH

(Haughtily)

I neither read nor write.

HORNBECK

Oh. Excuse me.

I must be thinking of another Elijah.

(An ORGAN-GRINDER enters, with a live monkey on a string. HORNBECK spies the monkey gleefully; he greets the monk with arms outstretched)

Grandpa!

(Crosses to the monkey, bends down and shakes the monkey’s hand)

Welcome to Hillsboro, sir!

Have you come to testify for the defense

Or for the prosecution?

(The monkey, oddly enough, doesn’t answer)

No comment?

That’s fairly safe. But I warn you, sir,

You can’t compete with all these monkeyshines.

(MELINDA hands the monkey a penny.)

MELINDA

Look. He took my penny.

HORNBECK

How could you ask for better proof than that?

There’s the father of the human race!

TIMMY

(Running on, breathlessly)

Train’s coming! I seen the smoke ’way up the track!

(The train whistle sounds, off.)

BROWN

(Taking command)

All the members of the Bible League, get ready! Let us show Mr. Brady the spirit in which we welcome him to Hillsboro.

(MRS. BLAIR blows her pitch pipe and the townspeople parade off singing “Marching to Zion.” Even the ORGAN-GRINDER leaves his monkey tied to the hurdy-gurdy and joins the departing crowd. But HORNBECK stays behind.)

HORNBECK

Amen.

(To the monkey)

Shield your eyes, monk!

You’re about to meet the mightiest of your descendents.

A man who wears a cathedral for a cloak,

A church spire for a hat,

Whose tread has the thunder of the legions of the Lion-Hearted!

(The STOREKEEPER emerges from his establishment and looks in his own store window. HORNBECK turns to him)

You’re missing the show.

STOREKEEPER

Somebody’s got to mind the store.

HORNBECK

May I ask your opinion, sir, on Evolution?

STOREKEEPER

Don’t have any opinions. They’re bad for business.

(Off-stage, a cheer. Then the thumping drum into “Gimme That Old-Time Religion” sung by the unseen townspeople.)

HORNBECK

(To the monkey)