MRS SWAN Yes.

ANISH Here? In your house?

MRS SWAN Would you like to see it?

ANISH Very much! I half expected to see it hanging the moment I arrived.

MRS SWAN That’s because you’re a painter. I’ll bring it out. Yes, I can’t get the tea here to taste as it should. I expect it’s the water. A reservoir near Staines won’t have the makings of a good cup of tea compared to the water we got in the Hills. It came straight off the Himalayas.

She leaves.

Flora and Das are at work.

FLORA (Recorded)

‘… yes, think of a woman in a blue dress
sat on a straight-backed chair at a plain table
on the verandah of a guesthouse,
writing about the weather.
Or think, if you prefer, of bitches,
cats, goats, monkeys at it like—’

Oh, fiddlesticks! May we stop for a moment. (Flora gets up) I’m sticking to myself.

DAS Of course! Forgive me!

FLORA You mustn’t take responsibility for the climate too, Mr Das.

DAS No, I …

FLORA No, I’m sorry. I’m bad tempered. Should we have some tea? I wouldn’t mind something to eat too. (Calls out) Nazrul! (To Das) There’s a jar of duck pâté in the refrigerator … (Nazrul appears from round the corner of the verandah.) Oh, Nazrul … char and …

NAZRUL (In Hindi) Yes, madam, I will bring tea immediately …

FLORA … bread … and in the icebox, no, don’t go, listen to me—

DAS Would you allow me, please?

Das and Nazrul speak in Hindi. Das orders bread and butter and the duck pâté from the fridge.

FLORA (Over the conversation) A jar with a picture of a duck … (But Nazrul has dramatic and tragic disclosures to make. Thieves have stolen the pâté. Das berates him. Nazrul leaves the way he came.) What was all that?

DAS He will bring tea, and bread and butter and cake. The pâté has been taken by robbers.

FLORA What?!

DAS (Gravely) Just so, I’m afraid.

FLORA But the refrigerator is padlocked—Mr Coomaraswami pointed it out to me particularly.

DAS Where do you keep the key?

FLORA Nazrul keeps it, of course.

DAS Ah well … the whole thing is a great mystery.

Flora splutters into laughter and Das joins in.

FLORA But surely, isn’t it against his religion?

DAS Oh, certainly. I should say so. Not that I’m saying Nazrul stole the pâté, but stealing would be against his religion, undoubtedly.

FLORA I don’t mean stealing, I mean the pork.

DAS But I thought you said it was duck.

FLORA One must read the small print, Mr Das. ‘Duck pâté’ in large letters, ‘with pork’ in small letters. It’s normal commercial practice.

DAS Yes, I see.

FLORA We must hope he only got the duck part …

DAS That is your true nature speaking, Miss Crewe!

FLORA … though of course, if they use one pig for every duck, he’ll be lucky to have got any duck at all.