Back In the Land of Oz
Chapters (29)
  1. Title Page
  2. Dedication
  3. Preface to the New Edition
  4. Contents
  5. Map
  6. 1 On Wings of Poesy
  7. 2 Shiklone Troicee and After
  8. 3 Bungle Bungle
  9. 4 Arse-End Charlie
  10. 5 Umpie Bong
  11. 6 Neither an Ong nor a Mo
  12. 7 Et in Arcadia Nos
  13. 8 Lost Orisons
  14. 9 Granny Apples
  15. 10 The Town with a HEART of Gold
  16. 11 A Roomette with a View
  17. 12 Ich Hatt’ Einst Ein Schön’ Vaterland
  18. 13 Wher. Edna. Laide. Me
  19. 14 ‘An Interesting Place With Lots of Sandhills’
  20. 15 Mintja
  21. 16 Ghostbusting
  22. 17 The Townsville Hoist
  23. 18 Gone Troppo
  24. 19 The Expulsion From Paradise
  25. 20 Found! – The Spangled Drongo
  26. About the Author
  27. By the Same Author
  28. Copyright Page
  29. Adverts

I tried to ask whether there’d been any real likelihood of their raping a white woman, but got a bit caught on the absurdity of the phrase. I wasn’t able to inject ‘white woman’ with the appropriate sense of precious, fragile commodity, and keep a straight face.

Not that Neil was listening. He just wanted to be able to let a little fire blaze in his eyes and say, ‘I’d have shot without hesitation.’

He took us again through the catalogue of Aboriginal incompetence – their hopelessness, their unintelligence, their incomprehension of the idea of property, their economic and moral backwardness. ‘What you mean,’ I said, ‘is that they are not able to formulate a ten-year plan.’

I suppose it was hoping for a bit much to get a rise out of him, but I was surprised he didn’t so much as blink. ‘It won’t change either,’ he simply went on to affirm. ‘It can’t change. That’s unless we adopt Lang Hancock’s suggestion.’

Lang Hancock was the richest man in Australia and went in for that laconic terseness of phrase and moral philosophy which Australians who haven’t been to university find appealing. ‘And what suggestion would that be?’ I asked.

‘Poison their waterholes.’

I swallowed down a tumbler of Bundaberg rum myself, forgetting all about the coke, and said, ‘Are we to understand that things get pretty dangerous out here?’

But it was Robin who answered. ‘Nah,’ she said. ‘It’s much more dangerous in Melbourne. When I go to Melbourne and I’m on my own I lock every door, turn the radio on, and sleep with my brother’s Magnum under my pillow.’

‘The other way,’ Neil went on, ‘is to put rat bait in their food.’