“You sure? We’ve got cameras, but you’re our eyes and ears,” they’d say, pointing skyward, their outstretched arms revealing vermillion armpit stains.

“Yeah,” Theo would say, walking away alone, his coworkers gone.

The only conversation that hadn’t followed that script was the one informing him he was being fired. “Theo Santos?” an Asian man in shades had asked, stopping Theo in the middle of a trip to the restroom. Theo knew the guy was affiliated with Loss Prevention; his voice was so polite that it was accusatory. All of his questions were propositions.

“Yeah?” Theo had replied.

“What would you say if I told you I’ve got footage of you seeing but not reporting internal theft? You do know that internal theft is our largest source of loss, right? You do know that if you see something but you don’t say something, you’re enabling loss, right?” Theo stared at the man, unsure of what he was getting at. The man had stared back at him, calm. “This is your last chance,” he had told Theo.

“For what?” Theo asked.

“To be responsible.” Theo laughed. He’d been to work on time every day, humoring customers, never taking long breaks, standing in that hot-ass sun.

“Okay,” Theo said, walking away. Five steps later, he was surrounded by a gaggle of Loss Prevention goons who quickly escorted him to his locker on the outskirts of the park. They didn’t even let him piss before he was walked to his car.

The manager was obviously from New York City, her tone nasal and fierce, words flowing out of her like water from a faucet. Theo could easily imagine her leaving a voicemail on a Dipset mixtape or speaking trilled Spanish on some Vince Staples song. He introduced himself and handed her his resume. She shook his hand firmly, her eyes flitting between his resume and his torso like she was comparing a high-resolution photograph to its thumbnail.

“No retail experience,” she said with finality, as if they had been debating. “Why should I hire you to be the steward of my customers’ experiences?”

Theo mulled over her words. Steward of customers’ experiences. What the fuck did that mean? Remembering the employee’s tips, he improvised an answer. “I would be a great steward of customer experience because I am light on my feet, as evidenced by my tenure at Six Flags, and I am a business major, so I am very interested in business holistically, not just the management stage,” he stammered, proud of himself for using words like “tenure” and “holistically” outside of the terrible, weed-fueled poetry he wrote when he was bored.