Afterward, after she’d talked with him, she stood there by the rail with light dust from the circling trotting horses raised up in a thin pall over the track, the fingers of one hand tracked onto Jamie’s back to hold him there against his desire and impulse, her eyes lifted off to the hills beyond. It was a curious moment. Her mind was still, without thoughts, yet she sensed profound change, as if her mind would not yet allow words to what her body already knew. Her soul. As if arrived at a point neither guessed nor glimpsed but inevitable once there. And not as if directed from any source outside herself but a small persistent pip burst free of her core. She felt calm, enjoying the calm before the welter of thought and doubt. It was a peaceful moment there in the sweet heat of the end of summer with her hand upon her youngest child’s back, both watching the flashing horses and the silk-jacketed men driving them, the land lifted around as known to her as the boy’s body, the air holding them in perfect stillness and lucidity. It was the last peace she’d know and a part of her knew that too, knew at least that it might be. And still when Abby came behind them Leah knew she was there and turned before the girl reached them and said, “Let’s get on to home. I’ve seen enough, if you have.”

“I never wanted to come but for you.”

“Well yes, you did your good deed then. And without killing you. But you might take the frown off that pretty face.”

Abby scowled. “What’d you want with that pathetic man anyhow?”

“Umm,” Leah hummed. “Just to see him, talk to him.”

“Everybody else seen you talking to him too.”

“Sooner you stop worrying about what everybody else thinks, the happier you’ll be.”

“I don’t care spit for what anybody says. Never did, never will.” Contradicting herself and not caring. Not even seeing it. A blazing heat coming off her.

Leah wondered if she and her mother would ever have reached that place together. Likely. Sudden tight focus with all peace gone, Leah said, “And there was plenty odd about that man, plenty frightening to speak the truth. But not one thing pathetic, not that I saw.”

“Mama, he’s a sideshow freak.”

“Oh, no.” Leah shook her head. “Not to me he’s not. Not to him either.”

“I was flat humiliated, watching you two stroll and chat.”

“No, you weren’t either. What you were was scared to come talk to him yourself.”

“I’m supposed to want that since he’s a Negro?” Leah shook her head. “No. I guess not.”

Abby deflected, turning the criticism back at her mother. “I’d been more useful staying to home and helping Daddy and Prudy with the hay. You didn’t need help from me.”

“It was good to have you here. But you’re right, its time for home.”