“How am I?” Finn said. “I wish I was dead.”

“Don’t say that. You’re lucky.”

“Yeah. People see me, they say, there goes a lucky man.”

Tish sat down on the floor next to Finn and slid an arm around his shoulder. His bare skin was clammy. “Maybe you should be in bed.”

“I’ve been in bed for days. I pretended to be asleep so Rikke would finally leave me alone. She’s afraid of what I’ll do.”

“Does she have reason to be afraid?”

“You mean, will I do it again? I want to, but I’m a coward. How pathetic is that?”

“I feel guilty,” Tish told him. “Like I did this to you by coming back.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Then why did you do it?” she asked. “Was it because of Laura’s murder? Did you remember something more?”

Finn squeezed his eyes shut. A tear bloomed like a rose out of the corner of his eye and trickled past his nose to the corner of his mouth. “Everyone wants me to remember, but I don’t.”

“I think you do.”

Finn shook his head. “I never should have gone to the park that night.”

“Then why did you?”

“Because I can’t stop!” Finn exclaimed. “Don’t you get it? I’ve never been able to stop.”

“Stop what?”

He clenched his fists. “Watching. That’s who I am. I’m a watcher.”

“You mean the young girls in their bedrooms?” Tish asked. “That was you?”

He put his face in his hands and nodded.

“Why, Finn?”

“You think it’s my choice? You think I want to be like this?” He stared at the floor and added, “Mom made me watch. I didn’t even know what was going on, but she made me watch. I hated her for that.”

Tish stared at the bed and began to understand. “Did you watch Laura?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Where?”

“Here. I would watch her in bed when she stayed with us.”

“Did she know?”

“No. Not at first.”

“You said you were in love with her, Finn. How could you do that to someone you loved?”

“I told you. I can’t stop. I wish I could gouge my eyes out.”

“Did you know Laura was going to be in the park that night?”

Finn’s head bobbed.

“How did you know?” Tish asked.

“She told me. I knew she was running away. It was my fault. I scared her.”

“Did she find out you were spying on her?”

“Yes. I told her everything. I had to. But it was a mistake. She didn’t understand.”

“You kept following her after the fight with Peter, didn’t you? You followed her all the way to the beach.”

“I don’t know. Maybe I did.”

Tish felt as if she were being suffocated. “What happened?”

“I don’t remember,” he said.

“Finn, you have to tell me.”

“I don’t remember.”

Tish closed her eyes and leaned close to him, smelling his sweat and fear, murmuring in his ear. “You’re so close. What did you see?”