I had been around drag queens for years, but none of them affected me in the visceral way Rosie did. While other performers played up the theatrics, Rosie was stripped down, authentically himself while not being himself at all. It was unnerving. I could not understand how a body and the person inhabiting it could be two different entities, perpetually traveling away from one another while struggling to remain whole. Watching Cal attempt to pick up the pieces of a man who had been broken since birth felt eerily familiar, a similarity I didn’t want to face. Did people feel my sadness as I felt Rosie’s, or was I only able to tune in to him because I had spent my life being melancholy too? I hated him for being weak when I always had to be strong.

Rosie had asked Cal if he could sleep on the floor beside his bed that night, too terrified to go back into the main room where the act had taken place. When Cal told him he could, I knew it was the end of our evening. There was no way in hell I was going to lay with a man while another man was in the room, though I was sure Rosie knew the nature of our relationship. Reluctantly, I made my way home, my stomach growling for the meal I hadn’t eaten.

As the weeks passed, Rosie became a permanent fixture in Cal’s room, one with the floorboards. The subsequent lack of alone time with Cal left me cranky, a disposition made worse by the number of accounts I’d lost since prohibition ended. Once I’d sobered, a few other owners had shown me the same consideration Abraham did, but the five parlors I held were nothing compared to the twelve that used to be on my ledger. As if I weren’t concerned enough about my livelihood, Cal’s desire to approach Abe about what had happened to Rosie added another level of stress. I had never imagined I would be desperate for Abraham and Cal to remain on good terms, but it was very apparent that my ability to make a minute amount of money was entwined with their ability to get along. If the alleged attacker had been anyone but Abe’s most recent muse, I would not have been so tentative, but the contributing factors seemed a clear indication that reporting what had happened to the club owner wasn’t the best idea.