‘It may be the wrong time to say this. You won’t want to hear it, anyway. But do you think you might be trying to love Jack too much? Do you think he might respond if you didn’t crowd him so much? If you gave him some extra space?’

‘Extra space?’ I repeated. The words made me angry. ‘What kind of a tired old cliché is that? I love him more than the world. There’s nothing wrong with letting him know it.’

‘I know how much you love Lola and Jack. But is your need to demonstrate it more about you and your history than about them?’

‘That’s crappy nonsense.’

‘Is it?’

‘What do you know, Tony, about how much space I do or don’t allow Jack? You live out there in Twickenham, you see him every other weekend at the most.’

‘The series of events that resulted in this situation weren’t dictated by me.’

I bit my tongue, but in spite of my good intentions I still retorted, ‘I know that, Tony, for God’s sake. You can’t resist a reminder, can you?’

‘Look. I’m not reminding you or reproaching you. I don’t want an argument.’

But we were arguing, nevertheless. My relief at being able to discuss our son with my ex-husband turned to anger with myself for the waste of all our joint history and achievements. If I hadn’t run off with Stanley, would Tony and I be a solid couple like Caz and Graham now? And, more important, how much more comfortable would Jack therefore be, with himself and the rest of the world?

Even as I speculated, I knew that if I were to feel guilty for the rest of my life and regret my actions in every remaining minute of it, I still couldn’t undo what was done.

I wondered if Ted had been thinking along the same lines while he lay in his hospital bed and held on to my hand.

I would never know, now. I was never going to be able to talk to him or even hear his voice again.

Tony’s voice at the other end of the line almost made me jump. ‘I’ve got to go and help Suzy with the girls,’ he said. ‘I’ll give Jack a call and sort out about the weekend. I’m not supposing for a minute that my involvement will solve any problems for him or even answer any questions, but I’ll do what I can. I’m sorry you have to deal with so much of this stuff on your own.’

‘Thanks,’ I said.

‘I love Jack too, you know. And you as well, if that counts for anything.’

‘Thanks,’ I repeated, blinking at sudden tears. ‘Bye, then.’