Six

Never Break the Law/Get Arrested

“Good evening, officer,” I say, using my most polite, law-abiding-citizen tone.

The cop looks serious in his dark uniform, bulletproof vest, and heavy boots.

“Evening, ma’am. Where are you coming from?”

“Cherry Hill, New Jersey. I was there for a business meeting.”

“And where are you headed?”

“To Animal Heaven. I found a stray dog.”

Mr. Mutt barks on cue.

The officer leans in closer to the window and his nostrils flare.

“What’s this smell?” he asks.

“Oh, I had an accident at the gas station. Spilled gas all over myself.”

“Isn’t Animal Haven in the opposite direction?”

That’s when the map app rats me out. “Please make a U-turn and proceed to the route.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“Why did you turn this way?”

“Er… mmm…” To lose your tail doesn’t seem like a great answer. “I got confused.”

“Is this vehicle yours, ma’am?”

“No, no. It’s rented.”

“I’ll need to see your license and the rental agreement.”

“Sure.”

I take my driver’s license out of my wallet and search in my bag for the rental contract. It’s not there.

“Is there a problem?” the cop asks.

“I can’t find the contract.”

“Is that so?”

“I’m sure I had it in here somewhere.”

“Ma’am, please step out of the car.”

“What? No. I have it. It’s here somewhere, I swear.”

I drop the bag on the passenger seat and make a quick dash for the glove compartment. Maybe I put it in there without realizing.

That’s when everything goes south. The officer jumps back and grabs the handle of the gun strapped to his belt.

“Stop!” he yells.

Hand still on the compartment handle, I freeze.

“Place both hands on the wheel,” the policeman instructs me. “Slowly, and where I can see them.”

What the hell? What does he think, that I have a gun hidden in my glove compartment? Oh! That must be exactly what he’s thinking.

I comply and place both hands on the wheel. “You people are unbelievable. I was just searching for the rental agreement, and I don’t have a gun. For your information, I’m against firearms.”

“Ma’am, please step out of the vehicle. And from now on, only slow movements.”

“This is ridiculous. What are you going to do? Arrest me? I’ve done nothing wrong!”

The officer not-so-patiently sighs. “Ma’am, your car plate is registered to a blue Toyota Corolla, whereas you’re driving a gray Hyundai Elantra. The plate recognition camera picked up the discrepancy as we drove behind you. And you’re transporting an unrestrained animal apparently soaked in gasoline. Once again, please step out of the car.”

“I’ve told you the damn car is rented. It’s not my fault if the rental company put the wrong plate on. And I’ve told you I just found the dog at a gas station and that I was bringing him to a shelter.”

“But then we flash you and instead of pulling over you turn in the opposite direction. Don’t make me ask again, please step out of the car.”