Spencer found himself unable to look away. There was nothing delicate or ladylike about the way Ruby was attacking that cheeseburger, but it was still like watching an exquisite painting come to life.

Girl with a Double Patty. La Demoiselle de Meat.

He managed to shake himself off just in time. “I’m sorry… Did you just double-cross a dog?”

Her golden laugh rang out. “Yes. Caleb said reward-based training is the best way to get results. All I have to do is find the thing that motivates Wheezy and use it to get what I want.” She paused and smirked. “Apparently, dogs and men are exactly the same. Who knew?”

Even though Spencer supported rewards-based training in all forms, he couldn’t help but feel outraged on the dog’s behalf. And his own. It took a lot more than a waggling cheeseburger—or a nicely formed ass—to motivate him.

“I don’t know what Caleb has told you about rewarding canine behaviors, but it only works if you actually reward Wheezy,” he said. “All you’re doing right now is teaching him not to trust you.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ve got that covered.” She reached into her front bib pocket and extracted an oversized carrot. “What a good boy you are, Wheezy. Thank you for walking with me. You’re a prince among dogs.”

Wheezy took one look at the vegetable being held out to him and howled.

“You don’t even know what it is,” Ruby coaxed. “Maybe you love carrots. Maybe they’re your favorite thing. They’re crisp and refreshing, and they make you see in the dark. Don’t you want night vision like all the other dogs?”

“No dogs have night vision,” Spencer said, feeling irritable. He might have prescribed the diet in the first place, but giving Wheezy a carrot as a consolation prize for a cheeseburger was just plain cruel. “They have more retina rods than humans, but not nearly as many as cats.”

“That shows what you know. The best pageant coaches can gaslight you into believing anything. Mine convinced me that eating chocolate caused freckles—a belief I held until I was well into my teen years. Imagine my embarrassment when I finally learned about UV rays.”

He stared at her. “That can’t possibly be true.”

“I also thought every kid had to do an hour of articulation exercises before they were allowed to go to school in the morning. I was the only one who treated the Pledge of Allegiance like it was an audition for Broadway.”

“Good God. Who was your pageant coach?”

“My mom. The night-vision carrots were another of her stories that I bought into much longer than I should have. I wasn’t a very bright child.”