“yes. i think today will be a good day.”

you dwell on the idea of a fresh start, unsure why it does not scare you anymore. at 9, your alarm dings. you debate hitting snooze, even though you’re wide awake. for once, you decide to get out of bed on time. it feels like a puzzle piece clicking into place. again, you smile to yourself.

to new beginnings, you think, and head for the shower.

the magician

only you have the power

to create a universe

that is just how you have

always dreamed it to be.

this may seem to be

a daunting task,

but look at all the seeds

you have already planted.

look at the roots

already digging deep.

you are the artist

behind this masterpiece.

and oh,

the art

you have already

created.

for so many years

i gave my writing the face

of the last one to kiss me,

the smirk of whoever

broke my heart last.

and now,

i am happy and healed enough

to not want to give my poems

his blue eyes or brown hair.

rather,

i create them in my likeness,

with my chocolate eyes

and my dark curls,

my round cheeks

and laugh lines.

so now,

instead of seeing a ghost

when i look back at these pages,

i will just see

me.

—lookalike

i can’t tell you

exactly when

i started to love myself,

but one day i woke up

and thought,

you know, i really do

deserve everything,

and since then,

that’s just how

i’ve lived.

i don’t apologize

for the way my body

moves anymore;

i don’t hold it

to some unattainable

standard.

i don’t stop myself

from exploring

new things,

i don’t care

if they’re weird

or uncool

or “not like me.”

because i really do

deserve everything.

i deserve the life

i’ve dreamed of.

i spent a lot of time

trying to fit

into a mold

not meant for me

before i realized that

i am supposed to

create my own.

so this is your sign.

look into the mirror.

step away from the

ill-fitting mold

somebody else gave you,

and make your own.

—you are your own artist

i don’t know where

i’m going just yet,

but at least

i’m going

somewhere.

beginning to believe

that you are enough

is one of the hardest

battles you will ever fight.

self-doubt will whisper

in your ear at every turn.

it will beg you not to

break the hold it has on you.

it will cling to you,

teeth and claws sunk

into your soul,

and you will have to tear

yourself free from its grasp.

it will hurt,

this escape. this liberation.

but it will be worth it.

in the end,

it will be worth it.

i spent so long

dreaming about what

i wanted to become,

rather than working

towards it.

i wasted years

where i could’ve been

experiencing life,

living as my uninhibited self,

and instead, i only lived

that life in my head.